“…it’s hard to watch the game we make of love, like everyone’s playing checkers with their scars, saying checkmate whenever they get out without a broken heart. Just to be clear I don’t want to get out without a broken heart. I intend to leave this life so shattered there’s gonna have to be a thousand separate heavens for all of my flying parts” – Andrea Gibson
I say goodbye again and I wonder why I’ve put myself through this yet another time. We embrace and part ways. You wish me well and look on from the taxi until he’s driven you out of sight. I turn and walk into the airport; it’s nearly time to board my flight.
I smile at the memories over the past week spent on beaches, laughing in the waves, and talking about what we saw under the water diving that day. I try not to think about the fact that I most likely won’t ever see you again.
They say everything happens for a reason and that people come in and out of your life for some specific purpose. You repeated this to me the last night I saw you as I vigorously shook my head in disagreement. But I see what purpose you served now. I can see what purpose every ending serves. I learned something:
This is a mistake I will make again.
Before, there was Australia. It always goes the same way when I am asked where I have traveled this year. I give my chronological list, and am met with confusion.
“That’s a little out of the way, isn’t it? Going to Australia and then coming back to Asia?”
I then feel compelled to explain that I went there for a guy – for the pursuit of love, for the possibility of something that I thought was real. The same familiar, knowing expression crosses the face of the person across from me.
“Ah, made that mistake, did ya?”
I didn’t see it then, after the broken heart and the initial difficulty letting go, but I learned something from that experience too:
If it was a mistake, then it is a mistake I will make again, and again.
Most long term travelers run into this problem. We meet amazing new people constantly who we inevitably have to say goodbye to. Relationships are tested and shortened on the road, whether they be friendly or romantic. Either way, people are constantly coming and going as if through a revolving door.
Some travelers have sworn off any type of scenario that involves the heart, unwilling to deal with the pain of goodbye. I guess I’m not there yet.
I know I’m setting myself up for hurt, but I can’t help it. It’ll happen again, I’ll groan when I see yet another couple’s traveling blog pop up, I will roll my eyes when I hear stories of other travelers meeting in paradise, selling off everything they own, and taking on the world together, and I’ll feel a pain in my heart as I throw a book across the room when I get halfway through and realize it’s going to turn into a love story.
The last thing I will want is to hear love songs. It will get to the point that If I see one more blog post about meeting Mr. Right on the road, or another set of photos of a traveling couple, I might be sick.
But, when the time comes again, and when the person is right again, I know I’d move across the world, take on a new adventure, or change my trajectory completely, if that’s what I had to do to make it work. I would make that mistake again, knowing that one day, it won’t end up being a mistake at all.
I always have an open heart and, it makes me both a lover and a habitual hurter. It’s the name of the game we travelers play, and I don’t know how to play it any other way.
Mistakes and all.
Weigh in – have you ever traveled for love, met Mr. Right during travels, or have you sworn off relationships as a long-term traveler?
Alana - Paper Planes says
These are the types of relationships that will be most difficult, but hopefully most memorable and important in who we become…
OCDemon says
See, I don’t have this problem, because I just hate everyone, and then I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I mean, I spend hours combing the review sections of every website I find just to narrow down gear inclusions. Imagine how discerning I am when I have to administer the seal of approval to an entire human. HA!
Kristin says
It gets too easy to love everyone when you are traveling and almost everyone you meet is so darn cool.
Jenny says
Friends do come and go quickly on the road. And there are too many Good Byes. But throwing the book across the room and not wanting to hear love songs can (and does) happen anywhere. Even at home. Having to figure out the logistics of travel can help keep you busy and distracted when you’re wanting to be on a romance-free diet.
Kristin says
That’s so true. Hearts get broken and you say goodbye plenty at home as well. It’s more frequent when traveling but that’s the life I’ve signed up for.
Michelle | Lights Camera Travel says
Oh this is my favourite post of yours so far! I closed my heart after my very first breakup, but I’ve learned since that life will give you so much more if you keep your heart open. It means we let in so much more good, and sometimes a little bit of pain comes with that too. Beautiful post!
Kristin says
Thanks so much Michelle! I’ve closed my heart in the past too and it just made life even harder. I’d rather be open and hurt sometimes than closed off to any and all possibilities.
Jeremy says
Why can’t we all just be like Sam and Audrey!
Kristin says
Haha, right?
Amanda says
I love this post so much. And good for you for being open to whatever happens on the road – including the mistakes.
Kristin says
Thanks Amanda 🙂
Vid says
Hey Kristin,
I used to travel alone, but for the last 5 years we have been travelling as a couple. We both love it now, but if I were still travelling alone, I would be in the same boat as you are.
Go with the flow – enjoy the ride 🙂 The best part about saying goodbye to one person in Thailand is that you will meet another (maybe better) person in Malaysia …
The key is one should never let that travelling spirit go 🙂
Cheers to that and happy travels
Kristin says
That’s what I tell myself – something better is around the corner as it pertains to all things, and that’s what keeps me moving.
George says
I left the UK knowing that I was leaving someone special and I would do it again inn a heartbeat. I never compromise travel for people.
Kristin says
I did the same when I left California. Dreams shouldn’t be compromised for the wrong person, but sometimes I think altering one’s path may be in order for the right person.
Aurora says
We’ve all been there, right? All of us getting our hearts broken. It makes me think of the Martha Beck quote – “pursue your dreams not because you’re immune to heartbreak but because your real life, your whole life, is worth getting your heart broken a few thousand times.”
I would rather keep that open heart, risk the heartbreak and really, truly live. Though, it is hard and sometimes I forget and am guarded and closed to the possibilities. But that is what solo travel taught me — the beauty of openness and saying yes.
(and I hear you on yet another couple’s travel blog…..)
Kristin says
I love that quote. So true.
Ryan says
Please darling, don’t ever change yourself or your compassion and openess. I know when the intense relationships come and go it can be crushing, but at that moment it was marvelous. It seems as travelers that travel amplifies all senses and emotions, including passion. We know time is possibly limited, and that the love is fleeting, but to close yourself off to possibilities would be more empty than a broken heart. I have trouble with this in general, because it’s hard for me to become attached to people when I’ve had so little family or relationships stick around…but I know first hand the consequences of closing yourself off. I’m glad you see that. Just like travel, things are unexpectedly glorious and at the same time torturous on occasion. But I think it’s a part of the self discovery, and it seems like you just reached the next level in discovering yourself.
Rock on Kristin, keep your chin up, and stay awesome. A ravishing gal like yourself is bound to find someone that’ll traverse the globe to be with you.
Kristin says
I can definitely appreciate that you’d also be prone to closing yourself off to such things. Glad we’re both open because there are beautiful things ahead 🙂
Jo (The Blond) says
oh you poor, poor thing. See, I can relate – I also wear my heart on my sleeve and recently it got me in to some trouble and a broken heart. However, there’s nothing like falling in love, right? There’s nothing like being with someone you can relate to, you can chat to and you can kiss until your lips are hurting. I can promise myself that I won’t fall in love again, but I know that it will be an empty promise. Here is to falling in love on the road 🙂 Life is too short to keep your heart on a leash.
Kristin says
There’s nothing like falling in love. I think I’m in love with falling in love. It’s the part after the honeymoon stage that I’m not that big of a fan of, though.
Izy Berry says
I’ve done this before; too. Chose the Czech Republic instead of Korea. Now I’m in New Zealand (home) instead of everywhere-else. But it’s good, to live with an open heart that’s not too jaded to give things a chance.
Sophak S says
Life is too short to be guarding your heart. Open it up and get beat up a little bit because when that right person comes into your heart they’ll know exactly what it needs and how to make it feel soo much better. And that is how you are going to know you met your soul mate! But, I think your such an awesome person. Too bad, I couldn’t have met you the time I was in Siem Riep. Would have loved to share an Angkor with you and stories. You are an extremely beautiful girl and from what I read you seem to be a kind gentle hearted person. So, I am sure you will do fine when it comes to love. But, awesome job on your post I have no clue how I got here? But I’m so glad I did. And yes everything happens for a reason. May the gods always be with you my pretty fellow traveler. 🙂
Kristin says
That’s really kind. Thank you 🙂
Emily says
I read your blog every single day as I was planning my first solo trip overseas and I remember reading this thinking, ‘I won’t let this be me. I will use this trip as a way of learning that it’s completely okay to be on my own.’ I mean, for the first time in my life, I felt strong enough to follow my dream and finally move overseas.
Well, guess what?! Five days in (yup, seriously, five days…) I met my perfect guy. He was sweet, caring, funny, good looking, had spent a year working in Asia, was willing to do weekend trips with me, loved animals and the British accent. So, I ended up putting my travels on hold while I was looking for work. I stayed in London, and when I should have been using my savings for new adventures, I used them to hang around and get to know this guy.
It didn’t work out. Four months later, I had made the mistake.
But I’m glad I did. It made the transition of moving my life overseas that little less scary. It made me realise that I still have so far to go in learning that’s it’s okay to be alone. I’m glad it didn’t work out because now I know that I don’t really want to stay in London. I want to see every part of the what the world has to offer. I will also gladly make this mistake over and over again. And THAT’S OKAY.
Because love and travel are two of the most beautiful things in the world and I’ve kind of realised that I’m totally and completely in love with travel.
Kristin says
Girl, I have done that like 3 times now. You can only try, and it either becomes a more permanent thing or it doesn’t. It’s always a good learning experience and that rush of love is like nothing else!
María says
Oh.my.god. You know when you think you are the only fool in the world who does a certain thing and your friends just confirm you so and then someone else says “hey, I’ve been there too!” and an invisible weight lifts off your chest? That’s me right now. And answering your question: yes, I have traveled for love. And not only once, twice! And both times a “mistake”. But I totally agree with you, it’s all worth it because I’m sure some day it won’t be.
Kristin says
Agreed someday it won’t be!
June says
Hi! I’ve just been reading some of your blog posts on this subject after finding myself typing “travel romance” on google, in a desperate attempt to find out if I’m crazy for changing my travel plans for a guy.
First off – I love your writing. Thanks for taking the effort to write this and making yourself vulnerable by sharing your feelings online.
Now for my story. I’ve been more or less single for a long time, for a number of reasons but mostly because I’m bat-shit scared of actual relationships. My dream to travel long-term has always served as a good excuse (“can’t start a relationship now, I’ll be gone soon and I don’t want anyone to hold me back”) to stick to non-committal low risk romances.
Four months into my travels however, on the other side of the world, I’ve fallen head over heels for a guy who grew up only 30 min from my home-town. Not only did I just love every minute I spent with him (even when hiking 7 days without showers and crappy food), he wants the same things in life as I do (is even already a long term traveller), shares the same values, inspires me in what he does, and makes me feel like I can completely be myself with him.
To make it even better, I’m completely aware he’s not perfect. Spending 24h a day together quickly makes you realise someone’s flaws or the points that annoy you about them. Even if the butterflies are soaring, I’m not idealising him.
So now for the however. Even though we are both travellers, and even are planning to make almost exactly the same trip (though at different times), he is now working in Australia while I have started travelling Asia (my goal is to travel back to Europe by land).
We talked about continuing whatever it is we had, but he needs/wants money and I’m not too keen on staying put in a big city in Australia, so we parted without any real plan.
I figured I’d just try to take some distance and see how I’d feel in a month or two. If I’d still want him then I could always go for it. However 6 days in I find I can’t keep myself from continuing to text him, and after an agonising 5 hours, I have decided to just take the leap and tell him I want to give us a try, even if I have to come to Australia for it. Though I would still first take a month or so to travel in Asia and I would have to find a solution to make Australia enjoyable for me independent of his presence, if this is the only way to see him, I will go.
It scares me to the point that I fysically feel sick, but I know I have to put myself out there and face my fears if I ever want to have a chance of love.
What does worry me however is that I seem to need to outspeak this commitment to him. I thought a lot about why this is and figure in the core it comes down to the fact that I just don’t want to risk losing him. I’m scared that if I wait it out, he might run into someone else. I don’t know if this is a bad thing. I don’t think fear is ever a good reason for a decision, but maybe this particular fear is just part of being in love? Which has made me hesitate all over again.
Should I wait and take some distance to see if I still feel something for him in a few weeks (and take the chance he meets another because if that happens it would just mean we weren’t meant to be) or should I just leap, stop postponing my decision by making it concrete and thus save myself from the process of trying to forget him and move on?
Travel love turns out to be just as complicated as home love.
Kristin says
Hey June, I feel that and I’ve been in this very same position before! I relate so much to it.
I think the key thing is probably not what you expect, but it’s what I saw in the second paragraph of your comment. Why are you scared of relationships? Most of us have had a bad experience that led to that but trust me it will be a perpetual cycle of pushing and pulling and drama if you don’t get down to the root of it and heal whatever that is. I think your fear they might meet someone else in your absence probably comes from the same core fear, and you’re right, fear is not a healthy motivator for a relationship.
I’d also ask you if there’s a middle way. Do you have to totally give up your trip to be with him or can you visit each other until he has saved up enough to join you? Does it HAVE to be all or nothing? If he has one foot out the door and meets someone else because you didn’t want to totally compromise on your travel dreams, isn’t it better that you both move on?
You probably wanted answers more than questions but, I can’t give you those answers, hopefully those questions can 🙂