“Enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, when the challenges are just balanced with the person’s capacity to act.”
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the former head of Psychology at the University of Chicago, wrote the words above in Flow, a book that explores the nuances of happiness.
Flow is total absorption in a moment or activity, completely investing ourselves in the present, resulting in extraordinary pleasure.
Artists experience it during an intensely creative moment and children when enthralled with a toy. Nothing else is on their minds and nothing else matters. When the creative juices are interrupted or stop flowing for an artist, just as play time does for a child, both are left devastated coming down from the high.
I read the words with the mind of a traveler, who experiences flow when so absorbed in a moment that nothing else in the world seems to exist. Flow is when I stop checking my social media accounts, don’t worry about emails, and cease thinking of times past and the home I don’t live in anymore. I’m not worried about anything else. There is only the present.
However flow is pleasurable because it’s rare. Since life is ever-changing, flow will inevitably get disrupted. The fall and crash from such a high is not welcome, though unavoidable.
When I started traveling three years ago, I recall a seasoned travel blogger advising me to enjoy the beginning months, because nothing would be that amazing and carefree ever again. I recall cycling through Angkor Wat my first week in thinking, what is she talking about!? Nothing could be better than doing this on a daily basis!
Then the months passed and I finally understood her words as I sat on a beautiful beach in Thailand, completely unimpressed with it and feeling like a brat as a result. Flow was a very easy state to get into in the beginning of my trip, but harder to come by as it wore on and became my new “normal”.
Flow was disrupted for me again when, after a week in Coffee Bay, South Africa, spent barely checking my phone and pretending that the outside world didn’t exist, it came time for me to leave.
My time there was perfect. I went swimming every day, jumped from high rocks into rivers, walked over hills from beach to beach with friendly dogs in tow, and hung out in hammocks with new friends. I didn’t want any disruptions. I was in flow.
Then, like a tsunami wave crashing down and wiping everything out, a deadline crept up and I had to leave to work on a project. The weeks that followed were lonely and took me to a traveler’s low. I missed home, I missed Coffee Bay, I wanted to be anywhere but Cape Town, where I was. It didn’t matter that I was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, full of young and social people. I could have been anywhere at all and it would have felt lonely.
This is why traveler’s lows are so low. It seems like in such a stimulating environment and when in a place doing an action we dreamed of and planned so ardently for, there’s no excuse not to be happy.
These moments will hit you too – searching inside for what’s wrong and why you feel so alone, you might start to question yourself. Why isn’t this making me happy like it’s supposed to? Why does everyone else seem to be having such a fantastic time except for me? What’s wrong with me?
Then comes the regret: a feeling that we should have known. Something didn’t work out and we envision alternate realities where it could and should have been different.
An item on the itinerary will be missed. The sky will be too cloudy to see that amazing view and you’ll most likely never get another chance to go back to that place. A dish at a restaurant that is supposed to be amazing will come out lukewarm and bland. A fight might happen with a travel buddy, something may get delayed, or someone might get sick. Inevitably, something will not go as it appeared in your mind when you planned it.
Where traveling is concerned we expect it will be nothing short of amazing or we would not make so many monetary and time sacrifices in order to experience it. This is why when a vacation hits low points, it’s so much more intense.
So how can you bounce back from the lows? How do you get back into a state of flow? Try the following:
Know that it will happen and you can’t avoid it
As most experienced travelers know and newbies come to find out, there are many long physically and mentally taxing days, instances of acute loneliness, and times of confusion when traveling. These exist back home, too. They’re just a part of life.
Nothing good lasts forever, and thankfully nothing bad does, either. Preparing for the worst while allowing for the best isn’t necessarily negative. On the contrary, it can be constructive. It doesn’t mean to expect the worst, it just means that knowing bad times will come and go helps for dealing with them better when they do show up.
Stay off of Facebook
Social media is dangerous when traveling. If you’re feeling homesick, it can really exacerbate the problem as friends back home post photos having fun doing the things without you that you used to do together.
Remember that only people’s best moments are shared on Facebook, and that comparison is the thief of joy. Chances are they feel similarly jealous of all of the wonderful things you’re posting, as well. It’s all perception, and Facebook can skew that perception greatly.
Talk to a friend or family member
When I am really feeling down, my friends tend to help me through it, even if they’re far away. We find a time to Skype or have a phone call. It’s important to hear the voice of someone who knows and loves you, rather than just text chatting, so that you can feel that sense of comfort again.
Also remember that they can’t fix your problem for you, just like they couldn’t back when you were at home. Try not to burden them with only negativity, but simply enjoy connecting with someone familiar again.
Use the down time as an opportunity to build problem-solving skills
The whole point of traveling is to experience something that isn’t home, which naturally means it will not be anything you think it could be or are used to. There will be plenty of frustrating and bewildering times that push you to the brink. However these are all opportunities to come out of it stronger and more capable than before. Learning to pull yourself out of down times is a gift, and you have to earn it by experiencing a low now and then.
Don’t drown your sorrows
A bottle of wine or a night out is fun in the moment and can help you forget your problems momentarily, but if it’s a seriously low low, then the next day the anxiety will tend to creep in. Drinking is a band-aid that’ll be ripped off too soon when the hangover comes. Find other ways to make it through tough times.
Do what makes you happy
If you love being outside, leave the city and go for a hike. If you love swimming, find a beach. If you love food, take a cooking class. Think about what distractions can put you in a state of flow again and seek them out.
Read things that lift your spirits
Reading and soul-searching tend to be really helpful for me when I’m feeling down. Zen Pencils is an example that lifts me back up with inspiring quotes drawn into comic strips.
Reading about human psychology helps as well, so that I can better understand why my brain is following negative thought patterns. A few books that have given me new perspective are What Makes You Not a Buddhist, The Art of Happiness, and Thinking, Fast and Slow.
In the end, time is your friend. In time everything heals and change is always just around the corner. Try to pull yourself out of the negativity by deciding to be happy rather than sad. It’s amazing how much remembering that you’re captain of the ship can help things to move back into a positive direction.
Remember, you’re not alone in having travel slumps. It truly does happen to everyone, and the good times will come again.
Have you ever had a traveling low? How did you overcome it?
Amin says
I can’t really speak from experience but generally speaking always finding something that you are working towards is important in keeping you upbeat and motivated. Whether it’s learning a new language, skill or even certificate, one should continually be bettering themselves and in the global telecommunications age we live can still be accomplished while traveling. Wifi is everywhere.
For me, I’m learning a language and once I hit my travels this fall, that will keep me quite busy and away from boredom, well.. I hope it does.
Kristin says
That’s a really excellent suggestion. Having something to better yourself with and spend energy on while traveling is important. For me that was this blog and the photos. Learning a language is a really excellent choice as well. It’s so stimulating and rewarding! Makes the resume look great after travels as well and can result in a more immersive experience. Thanks for the idea.
Emma says
This is why I keep coming back to this blog, you know how to write about the tricky subjects, a nice reminder that travel isn’t all rainbows and puppy dog kisses
Kristin says
Thank you, Emma. Glad that you enjoy reading! Nope isn’t all rainbows but it sure is magical most of the time 🙂
Jenia says
Such a great post — I too didn’t believe it was possible to get a travelers’ low when we first started traveling long term, but by month 7, I was definitely feeling both the burn out and homesickness. I wish I thought of some of the things you’ve suggested, especially the facebook part — i am constantly on Instagram and seeing your friends out to meals and parks together is tough! The thing that helped me the most though is reminding myself the old adage about ‘grass is always greener’ and hearing our friends gush about what our life looks like.
Kristin says
Totally agree that the grass is always greener. I sometimes joke that I have “Grass is always greener syndrome” because it can be too easy to wish for something that doesn’t even exist rather than appreciating the present moment. Mindfulness practice is so important too though difficult. I think I was feeling the same right around month 7 as well.
David Rainey says
Great article and advice. I’ve found time and experience plus knowing a new day will dawn helps push forward past low points. Peace.
Katie @ Katie Wanders says
Loved this! I have a “post in the works” about the lows of “displacement’ – I moved from Connecticut to utah and there are a lot of HARD days behind all the pretty pictures and smiles. It gets lonely, and if you stay stagnant too long, it hits hard.
Glad to know I am not alone 🙂
Katie @ Katie Wanders
Megan says
Wow. I really needed this today. I know feeling the lows is normal but when you’re feeling it you do tend to feel like a brat or ungrateful and just sad. It is nice to have an explanation for it. I like the part about flow interrupted. I find I’m on such a high when I’ve only got a short time in a country and I’m running around like crazy trying to take everything in. Now I’ve stopped for a few months. I’ve got a flat and work teaching English – things I did want and am enjoying – but I feel lonely and down because staying put gives me time to think about the things and people I miss back home. Great and helpful post.
Amin says
Always remember Mr. Mark Twain’s quote:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Sarah says
During my travels I’ve noticed that my lows overseas tended to be harder than my lows near home. This is understandable though, at least by travellers. When you’re so far from anything familiar, you’re having a tough day, or you feel like you aren’t really where you want to be- it’s emotionally breaking. You aren’t surrounded by thing that can typically make you happy, and are put into sometimes vulnerable and confusing states.
But it is so easy to pick yourself back up. Just as you said, a phone call to a friend, a book you love, or simply taking a step back and realizing where you are and choosing to be happy. It’s not always that simple, you’ll still feel low sometimes. But most of the times, you’re much stronger than you think.
Kristin says
Completely agree that you’re stronger than you think and getting through a low point when traveling can really help to reinforce that.
Gemma says
Awesome, very truthful post. I found myself not understanding travel weariness when I first hit the road, but I’ve felt if several times. I was more than ready to stop for a while and work It’s been 4 months and I’m busy gaining inspiration for my next trip, and wishing my $$$ would grow faster!
Kristin says
Stopping every now and then to rest and get the wanderlust again is a good approach.
chewy says
I love where you say that “comparison is the thief of joy.” It perfectly sums it up.
I’ve also been reading some Buddhist texts as well, and when they are good, they are really insightful. I’ll have to check out your reading recommendations!
Kristin says
What Makes you Not a Buddhist is a really good one for that! Puts so much about life and what’s important into perspective.
Katie says
Thank you so much for posting this! I had no idea I would crash WHILE I was still traveling. It hit me very hard and I felt so ungrateful and jaded. Later, I read about “travel fatigue” and this phenomenon and it made sense. I generally feel very poetic when it comes to my feelings so this post makes even more sense. I suppose it was naive to think that intense elation you feel from the ultimate inspiring travel experience to go on indefinitely, but it just never occurs to new travelers. While I wandered the streets of Milan and Venice, I thought: “This is it. This is the feeling I will keep riding and chasing for the rest of my life.” Cut to about a month later in Sorrento where even the beautiful Amalfi coast just wasn’t giving me those feelings! It’s a complicated emotional rollercoaster, and only travelers would understand it. I didn’t tell anyone about it except my mother and we both chalked it up to me being tired from moving around so much. Cut to Costa Rica and the high was back! I’m glad to hear there are lots of people like me and that the cycle is perfectly natural.
Kristin says
I completely know what you mean. It felt like those days in Cambodia were the beginning of the rest of my life – my amazing, adventurous new life. Then I spent Christmas Eve alone, met someone who broke my heart, missed a flight, etc. Nothing is perfect and I found that, yes, I nixed old problems that I’d had in my old life but walked right into some new ones! Then the good feelings come again, and go, and come, and go, just as life has always been 🙂
Liz says
Thanks so much for this post. I really REALLY needed it today. My husband and I have only been on the road for 3 months and everything is still a struggle. We’ve been in East Africa for the last three weeks and today and I’m totally exhausted and feeling overwhelmed by everything. This really help me put things back into perspective.
Kristin says
East Africa is tough to travel through. I totally get you on that one. It’s so different, the comforts we take for granted at home just don’t exist there (like running water and ATMs that actually work and are available more often than every 500km or so). It’s the challenge that helps us grow, though. At least that’s how I feel. Even these things, one day, will be pleasing to remember <3
Sheri says
I read articles like this before I set out on my first one year solo trip around the world in May. I thought, that wont happen to me. Traveling on any day will be better than sitting in my cubicle at work. Then I hit my low. I’ve had a couple so far. I was in the Amalfi coast, a place people dream about and I couldn’t leave my apartment. My last was just a week ago in Bosnia. I had a bad day due to language barriers and lack of vegetarian food. So I burst into tears driving home to my apartment one day. They come on so suddenly and over things that aren’t the end of the world. I don’t think people take into account that pretty much everything is different when traveling and it’s constant. Your mind has to continuously process things it normally wouldn’t. So even the small things can be big things. Traveling is harder and lonelier than I thought it would be, but I’m not giving up. I’ve had some really beautiful moments and know when I look back on my trip, I’ll see the good and not so much the bad. Thanks for posting. I love your blog and have followed it since before my trip began. And now I can say, I totally get what you’re saying, because I’ve been there.
Kristin says
Hey Sheri,
So well said. It’s easy to forget that almost everything is new and confusing when you’re in a new country, and when you’re alone, you have to figure it out all on your own. I have found those times to be tough, too, but I have also grown so much as a person because I’ve tackled it all on my own. Now I finally can say that I love me, I’m awesome to hang out with, and I don’t need anyone else. I’m really enough. I don’t think most people can say that, and it took a lot of alone time, tough times, tears, and triumphs to get there. Good thing you’re trucking on because the good times WILL come again and you’ll be stronger for it because you’re a fighter.
Rosanne says
I was happy to read this post today even though I am kind of in the opposite situation: I just started travelling on my own less than three weeks ago and I am struggling so much I hope that this feeling of excitement is actually going to happen at one point! The constant stress of finding my way around, finding food and constantly figuring out where to go next, are just so much EFFORT. It is more stressful than I could have ever imagined. A friend of mine was telling me that she struggled to find a fault in travelling when she went away for a year, making me feel as though I am definitely doing something wrong. But then, I’m trying to find my way on my own and she went with her husband. I can imagine that every bad day or awkward situation can turn into a romantic adventure, while for me it’s just really stressful, because I have no one else to rely on or to help me out when I’m in a dodgy situation. I hope it’ll just take time for me to find my own rhythm and style of travelling and that I’ll be enjoying it more once that happens. Meanwhile I am really wondering whether more people feel the same way I do but manage to keep on going, enjoying it?
Kristin says
Sounds like you might need a break. The next place you arrive at that you really like, just stay there for two weeks or so. You’ll meet people more easily if you’re around for longer and maybe you’ll find people to travel with. Are you staying in social places? I find that really helped me
Monkey says
Is normal I feel bored tired of meeting still new people and again saying goodbye to them? Bored to see new places because they are very similar in whole SEA? Feeling without energy to do something? But also don’t want come back home? I am weird
Kristin says
Yes it’s just traveler’s fatigue, and getting tired of the same questions over and over. It happens to almost everyone who travels long term – we start to want a deeper connection. Something to work through and grow through.