I’ve had my fair share of trolls. I’ve found myself on Internet forums, trashing me for this and that, people have made all kinds of wild suggestions like I’m traveling on Daddy’s dime, or that I whore around while I travel.
Mhmm…
Now there is no point in putting any stock in people with so much time on their hands that they insult random strangers. Trolls never put a real face to the name and could not possibly have anything personally against me anyway. I’d say the chances are slim they even read half of the article before word vomiting into the comment box.
But then a new breed of troll started popping up on my feeds and I’ve got to say, it’s a new low and it tends to pick directly at the wounds that run the deepest: the way I look.
Are we really still living in a day and age where people resort to body shaming?
Even though more and more brands are promoting multiple body types as beautiful?
Even though plus-sized models are walking runways more than ever?
Now I know it’s naïve to think that our species has evolved beyond this point, but I am surprised that this would happen to someone who writes about traveling. What do my looks have to do with it?
In a video made by fitness personality Cassey Ho, whose workout videos have helped me become far more confident with my body, she tackled the topic of body shaming and the brutal comments that she often gets. While I felt for her, I expected that probably just came with her level of success within the fitness industry. I didn’t expect that I would be on the receiving end of it eventually, too.
The body shaming comments I get seem to always be about my ass. Which, as everyone knows, is the one spot on a woman’s body that she is the most confident about.
I mean, right?
The first time it was a photo of me standing in front of a waterfall in Molokai. I’d just hiked for two hours barefoot through the jungle in one of the most remote parts of Hawaii and this was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In a sea of positive comments one negative one stuck out and just grated at me.
He said the photo would be better without me and my boxy ass.
Even worse, someone tagged the troll in a comment and wrote, “I agree.”
Wow, is my ass really boxy?
I made the mistake of replying, noting that body shaming is uglier than any ass could be.
I tried to just let it go. I knew that someone without a face on the Internet who just spouts hate isn’t someone whose opinion should matter. I knew that I gave him or her power by letting the rude words get to me.
I still keep telling myself all of these truths.
Yet no matter how many times I affirm to myself that my body is fine, it’s pretty hard not to check when I walk by a mirror.
I’ve been pretty open on this blog about my struggles with gaining weight and the journey towards getting back to my pre-travel body. I’ve been eating healthy, have been finding ways to work out and exercise, including Cassey’s Pilates videos on YouTube, and have successfully lost the weight that I gained and brought the muscle back.
Way more importantly, I’m feeling stronger, healthier, and better than I have in years. This was never something that I did to please others, but something that I really wanted to do to feel comfortable with myself.
Then, last week, another comment came through, again about my ass.
God, is my ass really that bad?!
I know that’s not true, I know that this person is posting an irrelevant comment, and I know that my skin just has to get thicker.
Yet I still can’t help but think, maybe I should be doing more squats?
It’s not just me they’re cutting down. Most other female bloggers in my niche and outside of it had things said about their body parts, faces, and weight. Even though we’re out conquering the world, we still can’t get away from the fact that we’re female and therefore our looks are still part of the package.
This post isn’t to give a voice to people who don’t deserve to be put front and center, it’s to call attention to the fact that we still have some work to do.
A survey recently found that 94% of teenage girls have experienced some kind of body shaming.
This isn’t the world we want to live in, is it? One where people are more concerned with how they look than what they can achieve in order to feel important, loved, and successful?
Little girls shouldn’t be worried about how they look, they should be focused on what their individual gifts are.
People are meant to look different. Beauty is not everyone having the same features, but everyone having their own unique looks, thoughts, and lives.
I’ll close with this: If you’re female, you’ve probably been on the receiving end of this too. You are beautiful, and regardless of what anyone says, that is an undeniable fact.
Ruby says
I’m so sorry that these type of comments cause you pain. You are gorgeous!
Jacey says
Thanks for posting about this! Those who troll or bully do so because of their own insecurities and lack of comfort with themselves. Their words aren’t worth a second thought!
Julie Fox says
Sorry you’ve had to deal with sort of ridiculous behavior. I am just wondering what they’d come up with if I revealed all my back fat and excess stomachs! I really wish people would find more useful things to do with their time than prey on other people’s insecurities.
Sue says
You’re beautiful in every way. Loved this post, though I am so sorry you get these comments.
Diana says
You are beautiful and traveling all over the would. The ones saying these things are probably most of their time in their room behind their computers and jealous…… And probably have some weight issues of their own. They are not worth your time and energy, but i know it is of course easier said than done.
Kristin says
totally easier said than done but you’re so right!
Manuel L says
This is sad. As a positive minded person I’m often dumbfounded by such and related behavior because I just cannot understand why you would need to hurt and put down other people. But I guess the old wisdom applies that assholes are found everywhere.
Keep on enjoying your butt, no one can keep you from it 😉
Kristin says
True it is attached to me! <3
Kylie says
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this type of cruelty. I’ve had men comment stuff like that on my photos too (my ass included). It will never stop being odd to me that people find it to be okay to comment on someone else’s body like you’re allowed to voice an opinion about that. Keep your head up — your beautiful, awesome and have a huge following for a reason! You know I’ve been reading since 2013. Do you girlfriend!
Kristin says
Thanks so much for the kind words, Kylie! Thanks for being here since 2013, too. You’re awesome!
J says
First of all, you’re a good looking girl and someone’s negative comment is dumb.
But also consider that you put yourself out there. And a lot of your Instagram posts are getting 2000 likes and a whole host of comments calling you “amazing” and “beautiful” . So one person makes a comment about your ass? That’s so awful? You’re getting complimented, liked, validated, and followed every day. Is your expectation that 100% of comments are flattering? Some people are assholes, some people are fake nice, some people are genuine nice, some people are right, some people are wrong, some people say/do things so you’ll re-follow them. That’s just part of a public persona.
I get body shamed all the time. And sure, it’s not fun. But it also helps me realize how people perceive me and has motivated me to improve my diet, exercise, fashion, etc. It has helped make me more attractive, confident, and healthy. If everyone just said nice things all day long, I wouldn’t have necessarily realized these things. And most would have been saying fake things anyway.
Life is tough and for a public person, it’s often cruel. I can only imagine what celebrities and politicians must deal with. But those same people also make good money, get tons of compliments, have hoards of fans, and many other benefits. Nothing is perfect.
Kristin says
It’s science:http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/24/your-money/why-people-remember-negative-events-more-than-positive-ones.html?mcubz=0
I totally appreciate every positive comment and heartfelt note. I’m super grateful that people appreciate my work and you’re right, I’ve put myself in the public eye.
However I still think it’s important to point out that this isn’t healthy behavior, and to discuss it rather than pretending like it isn’t a problem. It makes me sad that body shaming would make you feel that you had to change!
GG says
There is a gigantic difference between getting negative and “unflattering” comments and body shaming. Body shaming of the sort described here is in the same line as cyber-bullying. It is one thing if someone wants to criticize in this case her travel choices, how she dealt with locals, even how she might dress when in a certain culture (e.g., some countries have “dress codes”), think she’s not “amazing” about something, or disagree on her opinion on the post topic. Then it is another when you objectify someone, reducing them like a slab of meat. And you don’t have to extend it much for it to go from trolling to threatening. I am sorry if you have experienced frequent body shaming. Hopefully for you that will stop and you don’t deserve it, no matter what.
Just because something “is the way it is” now, does not mean it should be allowed to continue and that we should capitulate to it. Fame and money that comes with it introduces difficulties, but this is beyond the pale. Even if one uses social media and exploits their looks for material gain, none of this is justified. Two wrongs make two wrongs (in fact I consider it multiplicative). Plus are 90% of girls famous and rich?
In the case of this blog, the compliments are deserved. She hasn’t done anything wrong with her pictures, she is a great photographer and she is part of the canvas which is her right. Beauty as expressed by followers here is much more than skin deep.
Sorry about interceding in your conversation with Kristin but felt a need to comment and hope it is helpful to you.
GG
P.S. One last thing about politicians: We lose many good people these days who would be good in politics who don’t run for office because they are afraid to be exposed to things like this not for them, but for their families (this is from personal experience),. This has to change somehow.
Rebecca says
What a pain (in the ass) that these assholes think their words have any value. I hate hearing that you are dealing with this. Even if you had a perfect (???) body, someone would still be making mean comments.
I was a skinny child and a boy in my class, Rusty, told me my belly looked fat with my shirt tucked in (we were required to tuck our shirts in at school, and I was 7 or 8 years old). That comment has stuck with me for 20 years. I’m still self-conscious about my waist and most would call me lean and athletic. It’s all perception.
Delete the comments, but if you must reply, say “thank you, it really does look like that doesn’t it?” or something equally disarming and affirming. I for one think you’re gorgeous, and you seem to have an even lovelier personality and soul. Keep on being you.
Kristin says
Thanks so much for your kind words! Wow, kids can be such dicks to each other! I am probably guilty too, considering how mean girls can be to each other, and the fact that I was once a teenage girl.
Jen says
Ugh, why do men feel it’s their right to comment on women’s bodies?! You seriously have to wonder how f-ed up these guys are to write posts like that. Obviously you DON’T want to hear their opinions about your ass, so why do they post it? Are they that sad that they take pleasure in making people feel bad? Don’t forget that internet trolls helped Donald Trump get elected…
This is a good opportunity to acknowledge privilege. While maybe your body isn’t completely perfect (looks pretty good to me!), you are a beautiful woman with a body that 95% of women would love to have. Even in your “least flattering” picture you’re probably in better shape than the average American. So as much as these comments hurt you, imagine how they feel to women who have bodies that aren’t considered acceptable in our society, who are probably constantly being subjected to body shaming. I hope that our culture is moving in the direction of body positivity, though we have a ways to go!
Becke Quillin says
Oh how middle school never ends. It sucks how one bad comment can override a thousand good ones. So sorry you and every other female has to deal with this. Maybe with more posts like this it will slowly but surely get better. Thanks for adding to the body-positivity movement!
Kristin says
Thanks Becke 🙂 I wasn’t sure if I was giving them too much attention or calling something that’s too common into question and I’m glad it has sparked such a good discussion about body image.
GG says
I think you have been a great role model for women who connect with your blog, not only about travel, but also providing sage advice along the way, including how to live ones’ life to the fullest and healthiest. It shows because you look so much at peace in your pictures and look what you have accomplished since the day when you hurt your shoulder and was working an office job! You are such a good person wanting to help others and should be proud. This is a courageous article you have written among so many.
While men and women are body shamed and the whole thing is despicable, studies show that women are 10 times more worried about their body image and empathy is required from men. No wonder with how society over the ages has identified women more by their appearance (or usefulness at home) than their abilities. While I think the people who troll you like this are likely out for attention, have emotional/mental issues, just want to hit you where it hurts the most, hide behind a computer screen, aren’t worth your time and represent that 1% of population element etc., it does speak to society as a whole, though in a warped way.
The internet and a feeling of being anonymous behind a computer screen allows for certain truths to be revealed that in the past were just plain hidden. At the same time it is opportunity to set the record straight as you have done, good for you.
It hasn’t been too long ago when most families in the United States were one income earner families and women today are still just beginning to break into some professions (e.g., mechanical engineers, mathematicians (this is changing rapidly!), geologists, some doctor professions etc.) and heck, you are pioneer for women who should feel free to travel alone!
Be patient (and patience isn’t easy especially for the ambitious and successful), the world still has a way to go for women. Add the unattainable images women (and men) see on the internet and in social media, that is just starting to get addressed in the last few years that you mentioned. You and others like you are part of the movement to change this, and make the world for the better. Hope you can at least some satisfaction from this and that this blog also was therapeutic for you and your followers.
Jenn says
You know, I have always felt kind of pity about these “body shamers” (at least past my teens). These are the type of people that would crumble and cry in agony if someone would ever tell them the same things they say online to their faces. It is the type of people that if they ever gain a few more kg that they wanted they wouldn’t dare put on a bikini and go out there an enjoy life as it is. The important thing here is to love yourself. You are a travel blogger, you work doing something that you love and you love (or at least you should) the way you look. Anyone has a problem? They can look at the mirror, perfection is in the eyes of the beholder, even if the eyes are your own =).
Thanks for writing this and inspiring a bit more confidence in the people out there that needed a little push!
Zascha says
I don’t get people sometimes. What kind of dipshits look at a photo and decides to critize parts of it. Too much time on their hands
Lisa says
You are my hero. You were the first travel blogger I followed and still read every word.
Despite being on the receiving end of such abuse you have used it in a positive way to help others.
Sometimes I just have to force myself to find compassion because obviously these are sick people.
nick says
Don’t listen 👂 to any of these losers ,don’t lower yourself to there level,you are beautiful,with a great body,that most people would wish 🌠 they had.
H says
You have nothing to worry about in the looks department, the dicks that made those comments are just F**king losers themselves who probably have no luck with women.
Sam says
This post actually made me laugh, because those kind of comments are so ridiculous. I’ve been reading this blog for a while, and you are #bodygoals. For what it’s worth, I had a boyfriend once tell me my butt was like a shelf, but he meant it in a good way. Shelfy butts for the win!
Comments like that come from basement dwelling ogres with too much time, and low self esteem.
scott says
Ugh, I hate when you get comments like this! You’re hot! No ifs ands or buts (butts?)! I just don’t get why people feel empowered to comment like this! I kind of wish we knew who these people were in real life and could fly you in to meet them and see if they’d make the same comment when you’re standing right there, and without the anonymity of the internet!
And I hope you put in your meta tags so when people search the words body shaming, etc and their twitter user names, in case anyone ever does a search on them for jobs or whatever and they’ll see this article!
Gonçalo says
“Way more importantly, I’m feeling stronger, healthier, and better than I have in years. This was never something that I did to please others, but something that I really wanted to do to feel comfortable with myself.” – you said it all!
Keep that in mind, always! Specially when reading troll’s comments.
I don’t know what your goals in life are, but you’ve been doing a great work with this blog, inspiring and quite likely, stimulating other people. And if you have already contributed to improve someone’s life (which I’m sure you have), I’d say you’re doing a great work!
That being said, do the looks of your body really matter, when you can make so much good with what you’re doing in this blog? I think not, so please keep it going!!
TesQ says
Kristin, I’m so sorry you had to go encounter such rude expressions clearly stemming from people with unresolved bitterness. I hope this doesn’t come across as creepy, but I think your butt is sexy because it has weathered some crazy bumpy bus journeys, has never left you even during scarily rocky boat rides, supported you through speeding motorbikes, and even lived the thrill of sky-diving with you! In short, you would not have been able to inspire so many people (myself included) to see the world in authentic ways, without that butt of yours!
Kristin says
Thank you! Not creepy 😉
Jessica says
For the record, you have a totally normally ass. That guy is a douche and probably has a potbelly himself from sitting at his computer all day writing hateful comments. It’s ridiculous that you have to deal with that and unfortunate that our brains always seem to lock in on that one mean comment over the hundreds of nice ones.
But like everyone above said, you have a fantastic body and should be proud of it. And more importantly, you have a badass personality and you share it with us 🙂 Thanks for putting up with the bullshit and blogging anyway.
Kristin says
thank you so much!
Shannon says
Hi Kristin,
I’ve been a LOOONG time reader, and never commenter but this struck a chord with me. I recently had a guy say something extremely vulgar to me on Bumble, and shortly after stumbled across Ashley Judd’s Ted Talk about ‘How Online Abuse of Women Has Spiraled Out of Control’
I’d highly recommend listening to it.
Love your blog, I check for new posts everyday at work. You’ve inspired me to head to Africa, I’ve got my flight booked for right after Christmas 🙂
Kristin says
Hey Shannon, thanks for reading and for finally commenting! So cool that you’ve been motivated to visit Africa! let me know how you enjoy it!
Sarah says
Ive gotta post this, but know that im not on the side of internet trolls: they generally have very low self esteem themselves and will pick on the absolute easiest insecurity to target, someone’s looks are so subjective that any negative comments with make you question whether you might need to work out differently or fix yourself up, you can say for a fact that you don’t travel on daddys dime but you can’t state that you dont have a boxy ass as fact, cause its an opinion, and it’s too easy to worry that other people agree with that.
You have a smashing ass though, obviously.
BUT, you cant deny that looks are a little part of your instagram feed. A good majority of your photos now have you in them, and some of those are in a bikini or short shorts if the situation calls for it. Why do we love instagram photos? Cause they’re beautiful, and yours wouldnt do half as well if you were 5st overweight in the same small clothes. You’d probably cover up more anyway. Also, I would almost guarantee that you discount the unflattering photos of you cause they’re not gonna end up on Instagram, which everyone does. If your looks matter to you when you post a photo, they matter to your viewers. You just can’t get around that.
Abby says
F*ck them. You are beautiful, and weight has nothing to do with that.
I understand the fear, and the feelings you have about the haters. I wish I could explain why so many people are so bitter and vindictive, especially on the internet (would anyone ever really say these things in public????!!!!) I don’t consider the internet an excuse to lose your civility, and it reflects on others when they do.
The best thing I can say is – just be happy, you’re not in that boat. You’re putting out all this good karma into the world (i’m not a hippie, I swear!) 🙂 and helping to make the world a better place in doing so.
You’re sharing your joy and your enthusiasm with the world. Don’t let anyone dim your light.
And keep posting pictures of you in beautiful places. I’m jealous of the adventures.
Kristin says
Thanks for the kind words, Abby! I know they don’t hold any stock and I shouldn’t listen, and I kick myself when I do look in the mirror wondering if it really is flat. Man I do so much trekking it just couldn’t be! 🙂
Laura says
Hey Kristin,
I can’t believe the internet is still rampant with idiot trolls who post such hateful comments about anyone, regardless of their shape/size/weight/appearance in any way. They are hiding under the cowardice of online anonymity, but I am willing to I bet if you saw any of them in their swimsuits, they wouldn’t be so quick to lay judgements on your (perfectly fit & gorgeous) body but rather be quite insecure about their own!
I couldn’t agree more with all the comments here telling you you are beautiful- not just on the outside, but your blog sharing your passion for adventure is inspiring, and I hope you never let anyone make you hesitate to share your love of travel and your appreciation of yourself. These ignorant, cruel comments remind me of the quote: “The way people treat you, is a statement about who they are as a human being. It is not a statement about you.”
Thanks for sharing all your adventures, and good for you for leading a healthier lifestyle for yourself 🙂
Have fun in Alaska!
Kristin says
Thanks for the kind words and I totally agree with that quote. when people put others down it is way more telling about them than the person they’re talking about!
Adam says
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and I think I might’ve commented maybe once on something but as a man, it bothers the living hell out of me that there are still men ( little boys really) that still think they have the right to say these hurtful things to women.
I probably don’t need to say this, as I am sure you are already aware of this, but your body is yours and yours alone. It belongs to no one BUT YOU! Unfortunately, a lot of men still believe otherwise and I am sorry for that.
Your blog is what inspired me to take a little jaunt around the world ( yes when my family and friends asked why I was quitting my job, selling all of my material possessions and living out of a backpack, I blamed you!) Just know that it was and has always been your mind, your intelligence and your never-ending sense of adventure that inspires me and people all over the world to chase the things the love.
Peace, Love and Happiness
Kristin says
Wow Adam that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with me – and for blaming me for your trip, I’m so glad to have been of service! Totally motivates me when I read things like this. Hope you’re having a wonderful adventure.
Anne says
I just stumbled upon your blog so I’m a new follower. I just wanted to say if you are hiking to all these amazing places (which obviously you are), you have got to be in amazing shape…regardless of what some idiot behind a computer thinks. It takes courage, stamina, and strength to do even the easiest of hikes, which by the way is MUCH more taxing than typing some insults on a keyboard.
Keep doing you!! You are inspiring to many!! And just remember, they are called trolls for a reason!
Kristin says
Thanks so much, Anne. You’d think all that hiking would result in a nice ass! Lol 😉
Dylan says
Girl, *you* shouldn’t be worried about how you look and should be focused on what your individual gifts are! Comments like that– especially the last one you posted, the comment on your blog– creep me out so much because I try to put myself in that person’s mind… and it’s super misogynistic and scary. I hope writing this (and reading people’s responses) has helped you find some peace! <3
Kristin says
Thank you! I agree, and it’s gotten a bit easier to deal with trolls since then. People just don’t think about how they’re talking to a human being with feelings, and they can only feel their own pain.