As we bumped along in the car on the first night in Sri Lanka, the driver weaving in and out of oncoming traffic, my friend smiled to me from the front seat and said, “I missed this chaos.”
Walking along the street several months later in the Thamel area of Kathmandu, Nepal, I thought of the way he had said that, leaning to speak to me as the car waded through the dark on the bumpy and rocky road.  I remembered how much I agreed with him then and how much I agreed again now, as rickshaw drivers rode by on their bicycles, taxis narrowly avoided clipping people walking on the street, motorbikes weaved and zoomed through, and shopkeepers leaned from doorways and stoops to say, “namaste”(hello).
I had missed the chaos, and Kathmandu brought it right back, front and center, to my present.
A few days later I found myself in the lakeside town of Pokhara in Nepal, about ready to start my two-week trek in the Annapurna mountain range.
The daily scheduled power outage had blackened the side streets where all of the guesthouses, schools, and residential buildings sat. I thought it strange that instead of scheduling the power outage for daylight hours, it was going to run from 7pm until 1am, the exact hours when people need light the most.
I was used to the scheduled power outages in Kathmandu, but there was so much hustle and bustle on those streets, it wasn’t all that noticable. In Pokhara, however, the small side streets were pitch black by 7pm.
Nevertheless, I was thirsty and needed to buy some water. Â My only option was to walk to the market down the street, which I didn’t suspect would cause any issues.
I was wrong about that. Â Incredibly wrong.Â
I walked along enjoying the warm night, when I suddenly felt a hard, aggressive squeeze on my breast. Â I screamed in a mixture of pain and surprise as my brain processed what was happening. Â I turned just in time to see the coward running away back into the darkness.
I always figured I’d be quicker in a situation like that. Even with self-defense knowledge, a pretty good right hook, and a very confrontational attitude when the time calls for it, I was left completely victimized, helpless to do anything. It was all over before I had a chance to react.
I kept asking myself, “Why didn’t I run after him? Why don’t I have a light, or a weapon, or something?”
But in reality, one little light bulb in my hand wouldn’t have done anything and running after him might have led to even more danger. Â The encounter left me too stunned. Â I wasn’t prepared for it because who walks around expecting to be groped?
I marched straight to the tourist police after regaining composure. Â They asked if I had any friends in Nepal who could walk me back to the guesthouse. Â I said I was alone.
Their response? You shouldn’t be traveling alone.Â
It took me demanding an escort back to my guesthouse, via a passerby who had to serve as translator (at the tourist police, yes, the tourist police), in order for the officer to lazily stand up out of his chair and lumber after me.
I scanned the perimeters of the dark street for the groper on the way back, but, of course, he had hidden himself from view. I didn’t know what his face looked like anyways – just the back of his striped green and blue polo shirt.
That night, I was pretty upset. I posted about the situation on my Facebook fan page and got some messages advising I leave Nepal, but that wasn’t in the cards. I had gone there to tackle the Annapurna Circuit and I wasn’t going to leave until I had successfully completed the trek.
In the days that followed, a combination of little kids handing me berries and flowers along the trail, local men and women from the mountain minority tribes kindly having conversations with me and cooking me amazing food, petting baby goats and cows, and falling in love with the impossibly beautiful Himalayas slowly but surely brought peace back to me.
I returned to Pokhara two weeks later and went paragliding, sat in a shop full of prayer beads with the owner who gave me chai and told me all about how he made the bracelets, went to a local momo (Nepali-style dumplings) joint where in between freshly making food, the owner gave me a plate of off-the-menu buffalo meat and pounded rice, and I even joined a local celebration where I was welcomed warmly.
Eventually the groper faded to a distant memory, but I’ll never forget the lesson it taught me.
This world is still the kind of place to think twice about, unfortunately, for women. Â Safety isn’t a given.
Also, I broke my own rule. I walked alone at night in the dark. I won’t make that mistake again.
Read 31 safety tips from solo female travelers here.Â
However, I’ve said before that you can’t judge a country from one bad egg or an isolated negative experience. There are good and bad people everywhere in this world, including where I’m from! That said, I always tell the whole truth about the places I visit, and I couldn’t write about my entire experience in Nepal without mentioning it.
As I walked in Kathmandu during my last days in Nepal, having just visited the local-loved, street side, 30-cent lassi maker I dubbed, “lassi man”, dodging traffic as I walked, saying “namaste” to the shop owners in their doorways, and sporting a necklace given to me by the chai man in Pokhara, I said to myself:
“I’m going to miss this chaos”Â
Have you ever had a change of heart about a place you initially didn’t love or were unsure about? Have you ever felt in danger while traveling?
Martin Jones says
I have made it through the whole of your blog in 2 weeks. It has been an absolutely incredible read and I look forward to the next instalment. What you experienced here is one of the things I fear about visiting places I have never frequented/travelled to, not knowing the surroundings, the people, the culture. But after reading this I get a sense that those are the things that attract you back to such places and take away the thoughts of bad things that happen.
It is great to read of someone enjoying the world so much.
Kristin says
That’s such a kind comment, Martin. I really appreciate it and I’m glad you’ve been engaged enough to read the whole thing! I hope you’ll be fearless in traveling in the future – it’s easier than it seems! Thanks again, you made my day.
Ryan says
Wow, pretty freakin’ random and absolutely jarring I’m sure. It seems things happen when you least expect and also when you are most comfortable. I think because of the randomness, quickness, and also not being more aware probably caused it to be so shocking — besides that it was a perverted sexual assault. It takes a few seconds at least for your brain to process exactly what happened and by then he was gone. But, as I had reported (non-sexual assault) problems to tourist police in Thailand a couple times, they tend to be pretty damn lazy. Especially about taking action of any sort. But glad your outlook remained high and an awesome experience followed!
Kristin says
I think when it comes down to it, police don’t typically help that much, in any country I’ve needed them in. Oh well, glad that it didn’t happen twice and that I had a chance to give Nepal another shake.
Paul says
Is India still on your wish list of places to go? Or did this incident make you throw out all plans, no matter how concrete they were, out the window?
Kristin says
India is even more firmly on my list than it was before, after having visited both Nepal and Sri Lanka. I have been told enough times not to go there alone, though. Although I have met girls who have done just that. I think it would be great to start off with a travel buddy and if I feel confident enough handling it solo, I will.
oksana says
I just recently found your blog and I am enjoying every article of it!
I am native Latvian living in India since 10 months by now. Before moving here I was concerned about safety, food, dirt, heat, culture..- everything! And still I decided to come here.
India is wonderful! Diverse, challenging and incredible!
I suggest you to explore the South of India, as the part of country below Goa is much safer than North part. People are kind and helpful, they are curious, but they do not bother you with naughty looks and comments, as it may (will!) happen in the North, especially Delhi and Punjab.
Goa with its beaches, Hampi with its history, Kerala with its tea plantations and backwaters..and Mumbai – with its mess, dirt, smell, street-food and Bollywood! 🙂
Merry Christmas to you! 🙂
Kristin says
Thanks for your comment. I hear all these horrible things about India but I still want to go, and I know plenty of women who have traveled there solo and while they’re totally badass and brave, I think maybe I am too. I love small towns. They’re always better, aren’t they?
Capt Suresh Sharma says
Kristin… everyone walking on Indian streets is not a rapist. Some stories get blown out of proportion. And in most cases, the trouble is self-inflicted by Western women when they go and drink with guides and drivers in secluded places. They must understand the local culture at lower level. Indians are known for their warm hospitality. Then another issues is that most women from the West don’t understand that they must dress up suitably and not roam around in scanty clothes. The subject needs lots of time and space to be discussed. India is NOT that unsafe as its predicted.
Kristin says
First of all this is Nepal. I’ll also point out that I was sober, just going out to buy water, and was dressed appropriately.
Elli says
Surprise AND disappointment — of all the countries I wouldn´t expect something like that to happen in Nepal. In general, they do not have many cases of locals vs. tourists incidents, I think. Or maybe it´s just my naive idea.. Nepal — home to the humble and smiley people..
Kristin says
Everyone was surprised and my guesthouse owner said it was the first time it had happened, but still, it happened.
Bimarsha says
yes its rare and yes it happened. its very rare and better be careful, otherwise you would never regret. you have to be careful in every county u visit… as you mentioned one bad egg shouldnt be a case to judge a country…
Meg Wray says
I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you. Incidences like this can be a really shocking reminder that these things can happen anywhere. I lived in South America for 9 months and you get so used to life that you forget to be aware. While I like to believe every country has bad eggs (North America, too!), the risk is higher in certain countries. I definitely experienced some space violations when I started getting cocky and thinking, “I’m basically a resident, I don’t need to be cautious anymore”… Your travels are amazing, I love your blog and you’ve inspired me to travel solo. I’ve only done a bit, and it was almost always positive. I’m headed to Korea for a year and can’t wait to see Asia like you have!
– Meaghan
Kristin says
Aw Thanks so much Meaghan. Enjoy Korea! I’m sure you’ll meet all kinds of amazing and trustworthy people.
Heather says
Just like you say, there are bad eggs everywhere. My group of girlfriends and I were flashed by a creeper in a trench coat on the Paris metro. We were just 17 at the time and that encounter has stayed with me for quite some time. But it didn’t make me love Paris any less 🙂
Kristin says
That’s probably pretty rattling at 17! What a creeper! Glad you were able to still enjoy Paris, though.
Kristin says
I’m so sorry to hear you were groped! I think neither of us should beat ourselves up. They’re disrespectful men and unfortunately this world is full of them. You can’t always react with a second’s notice.
Susan says
Kristin, I am so sorry this happened to you, and glad you persevered and got a better, more positive look at the country. YEARS ago when I was a sophomore in college in a small US town, I was walking back to campus from the town itself in the late afternoon (it wasn’t dark, and the street was not deserted), when a boy who was probably in high school came up to me and put one fist between my breasts. I was so shocked I couldn’t say or do anything. He ran away after doing this. I never even reported it – this was in the 1960’s, and I think in those days we didn’t realize this sort of behavior could be reported.
I have just signed up to receive your monthly newsletter. Have loved what I have read in the posts I’ve gone through following the link from Nomadic Matt. I admire you and young people like you for traveling so boldly and easily. Keep it up, and also the good writing!
Kristin says
Thank you Susan. I do realize this kind of thing can happen back home too, and maybe it’s even worse, which is just disgusting. Luckily we were both safe and nothing truly horrible happened. Glad to have your readership!
SUZAN says
I am glad that is the worst thing that ever happened! Not to downplay it but it could have been so much worse a story for the “worst thing!” I have traveled alone in Europe and felt safe and I am going to Asia with my sister in April so I am preparing. Nepal is one destination we will be going to. I am enjoying your writings very much! We are also going to India if you want to join us!
Kristin says
Thanks for the invite! I don’t have plans to do India – well honestly I have no plans at all past next week – but it should be a great trip. Enjoy!
Kristin says
The locals in Pokhara were pretty shocked too. They obviously don’t have that happen often, which is a good thing. I still really liked Nepal 🙂
Corzas says
I loved my stay in Nepal, for so many reasons. The people mainly, the landscapes. The food. Have so many great memories… Meeting a bunch of young people in a bar in Kathmandu, they sharing their shisha, momos with me, asking each other questions about our life. Nepalese people are very curious. Starting a conversation with a teenage because he was playing his guitar in a front door, in Pokhara, he was playing a Jack Johnson’s song. He invited me to get in, to a store. My first guess was “oh now he is going to try to sell me something”. But I was wrong. He took me inside to give me a private guitar recital. He was very good. Whenever I listen now Guns & Roses or Jack Johnson, it remains me of Pokhara… I remember how dark the streets could get there, now that you mentioned it, After some beers, getting back to my hotel, getting in to some weird places, well, a funny experience… And considering my size and height to Nepalese standards, I was not really concerned about wandering by night… Regarding your situation, I agree with you. It is stupid to judge one country by one person. In your case, can you tell this stupid man was from Nepal?… Cowards like him, those do not have nationality.
Enjoy Berlin!… Ich Liebe Deutshcland 😀
Kristin says
I had some really nice experiences in Nepal as well. Someone was playing guitar when I was eating mo mos once at a local joint. Maybe it was the same person 🙂
Cherise says
Kristin you are so brave! Good on you for sharing your story and bringing light on these horrible situations, I hope the rest of your travels have been safer! <3
Kristin says
Thank you so much, Cherise. The rest have been good!
suzan says
I just sold most of my belongings except at my business and am headed out to do the same in April! I have a friend in Nepal and am heading there first! Thanks for making this easier for me, knowing I am not the first brave soul!
Kristin says
I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time in Nepal and good for you taking that step!
Grainne says
Something similar happened to me in India…I was so in shock that I had allowed it to happen and I didn’t even tell my boyfriend about it until afterwards. It’s so easy for us all to say what we should have done (I should have hit that guy or screamed at him) But the reality is far different.
I still think about it this day and feel ashamed that I didn’t stand up for myself more.
But live and learn right?
Kristin says
Please don’t feel ashamed. We always think we’re going to be heroes but then emotions, hormones, and chemicals we can’t control come over us in these situations and paralyze us. It’s really only through experience and training that people tend to fight back effectively in these situations and sadly, we might both be better equipped now. I won’t let it make me feel weak though and I hope it doesn’t make you feel weak either!
buggy says
oh come on, just a boob press, not like you got raped.
Kristin says
Buggy, you’re so right. What right do I have to feel violated? It was just someone deciding to exercise his power and influence over me by cowardly violating me in the dark and then running away. What in the world is wrong with that?!
I can’t believe I had it wrong this whole time. The only situation where I’m able to feel violated or upset about is rape? Thanks for setting me straight. I’ll be sure to pass along that information to anyone who has ever been fondled, kissed, coerced into something s/he didn’t want to do, or stalked.
Next time, though, since you’re so wise, it would be great if YOU had the courage to leave your real name, and a real email address. Just so that we can all tell you how right you are.
Helen says
You know, just a few years ago I would have agreed with you. Maybe just an year ago.
I know several women who have been raped, so I always thought that the men who grabbed me on the street when I was a teen weren’t a big deal, and that I shouldn’t make a fuss about it… Until I realized, just recently, that I’m too scared to wear even a modest dress when I’m without my boyfriend, that I’m afraid to let my hair down, that I always monitor where might the next attack come from. So even if this is not as grave as rape, it is still something that has impact. Think of it this way: If someone punched you in the face, would you feel that you have no right to complain just because he didn’t break your arms and legs too?
Just because I felt like it shouldn’t matter, I thought that I can’t go to the police because they would dismiss me. I spent all those years believing that I have no right to feel bad, and even that it was in some way my fault, that I did something wrong (which, by the way, I didn’t.) So, please, consider this before you comment on similar subject the next time… Because opinions like this do part of the the damage.
Celina says
Hi, Kristin! I just recently discovered your blog and I love every bit of it. Your adventures are inspiring!
I should tell you this: a crazy thing to happen in Nepal! I’ve spent 4 month there and it was one of the most peaceful I’ve felt in my life. But, then again, the same thing happened to me TWICE – the first time, the coward grabbed my boob and run away; the second time, the guy slowly drove away on his bike, as I shouted: “Seriously?! In the middle of the afternoon!” And you’ll never guess where these took place… in Chiang Mai. Literally, one of the safest cities in Southeast Asia, right? I’ve been living in CM for a year and a half, love the city and feel very safe here, despite the isolated episodes.
There really are bad apples everywhere. 🙂
Kristin says
Wow you’re kidding! That’s terrible. It makes me so angry when people just take liberties like that because I’m a foreigner and it has kept me out of certain countries where it’s common, to be honest. I never want to be made to feel inferior or unsafe because I’m a woman. I actually have even had issues with cat calling and grabbing (one guy tried to kiss me once on the sidewalk and one chased me down the sidewalk once too!) in Berlin of all places. I’m bummed to hear that happened in Thailand! I’m glad that you still love living there 🙂
Lin says
A man (approx. 50) clapped hard on my ass in Colombo in a busy street with many shops. Nobody cared although I yelped.
Kristin says
UGH. NOT OKAY
Neerajan says
I am sorry to hear that and as being a Nepalese I apologize with you…
Kristin says
Not your fault!
Tony Dimattes says
Hey Kristin,
Hope you are doing well!!
It’s so sad to hear incidences like this. Women’s safety has been an important issue from quite a long time. But it seems it will take a lot more than expected, especially in under developed countries like Nepal. I am glad that you faced it bravely and had the guts to write a post about your experience in Nepal. This would help other tourist to keep themselves safe.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience…!
Helen says
Hello, I just found your blog and read through several articles, and I felt an urgent need to comment on this subject. Sorry that something like this happened to you! And I believe that it’s great that you didn’t let it discourage you from travelling. Unfortunately, stuff like this happens, and it can happen anywhere. I had been through several assaults like this – all in my home country, all in broad daylight, all in the city center – no way to anticipate it or prevent it. And, luckily, nothing like this happened to me while travelling. People who think travelling is dangerous don’t realize that bad things can happen just anywhere. That being said, I think that when it happens while travelling, in an unfamiliar place, when you can be tired or overwhelmed and generally more vulnerable, it can feel twice as bad. I hope that you will have only more good experiences from now on!
Kristin says
I totally agree. Stuff like this sadly does happen almost anywhere (and has since for me unfortunately though not as badly as this time) and it usually comes down to bad luck.
Dean-o says
First time reader to your blog Kristin, and I must say that I will read up on all your other adventures
I found you by googling ‘is Nepal a safe place to travel’ since I am doing research on the behalf of my girlfriend and her sisters because they have notions of going. Funny story on how they came to decide on Nepal. The eldest sister ran into a psychic she knows while she was out and about in a market place. The psychic (they always correct me by saying that it’s their spiritual adviser) told her that she needs to get to Nepal ASAP. Now, here is a little backstory on my girlfriend and her entire family….they are a bunch of germaphobe hypochondriacs who have sworn off ever going to India or any immediate neighboring countries.
Her sister’s immediate response was,
“But I had wanted to go to germany?”
Her psychic told her “No, you’re going to Nepal….first…and then at some later time you can visit Germany.”
So, it’s been told therefore she will adhere to the Devine voice of her conduit…Nepal it is!
Here is where I come in (and don’t you worry I will be going….and I am the only person who is looking forward to whatever chaos….god I love that word…comes our way). I have a sit down with the sisters this past weekend and I quickly come to the realization that they have no clue where they are going nor do they have any idea of what to do once when they get there. I don’t even think that my girlfriend could point to Nepal on a Map.
I take a deep breathe and I start walking them through from their first step here in the states up to the initial destination of Lumbini, Nepal. I should mention that they are devout Buddhists and they are doing this on the premise that it will be a pilgrimage. Personally, I am not religious….but I do have a strong sense of curiosity to fabrics of all religious observations (you can throw in Myths, superstitions and folklores).
I am leaning towards endorsing they consider some sort of small tour group that focuses on retracing Buddha’s steps. It would be a bit more adventurous if I plan out some kind of personalized set of destinations…but having to travel with them under time constraints, there is no room for error. Getting lost or ill is not on the to do list…as fun as that may be on the other side of the world. Don’t forget, I do root for chaos!
After reading your story, they are going to need a solid sense of direction and purpose….otherwise, they just might get lost in a maniac mesh of mayhem.
Ce Domage as the French tend to say.
Can’t wait to read the rest of your entries.
Au Revoir madamoiselle Kristin
Kristin says
I think it’ll be eye opening for them!
Khalid Zaman says
Kirsten
I suggest you to include Pakistan in your list and have the time of your life in wanderlust.
Regards
Tirth says
Just reading your post and comments. Everyone are talking about same thing, i have not words to say about that. You have such a brave soul.
jean says
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can totally relate to it, even if I love to travel. It Happened to me a few times, as sexual disturbances in Japan, Romania on a train and another time in Toluca, MX in the streets. Even if the world is filled with kind and loving people, but we can’t never be too cautious when we travel.
Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy Japan, Romania and Mx. It is just unfortunate for those bad apples out there!
Thank you for sharing your story, because I was researching on the safety of kathmandu! Tour guides it is!! 🙂
Kristin says
Yep it’s important to remain cautious, but I’m glad I stayed and got to love Nepal more.