Contemplating death isn’t something the living generally like to do.
The uncomfortable reality that we’re all dying is hardly a topic of conversation at dinner parties. We tend not to say, “Good job graduating! Good thing you squeezed that in before dying,” and we don’t greet each other at the water cooler at work, or embrace after a long time apart, and dole out congratulations for still being alive. It’s taken as a given that we will continue to live. It’s why we make plans for the future. It’s why we dream.
So why would anyone waste time thinking about the fact that one day they and everyone they love will eventually die?
It just seems depressing.
Except it isn’t. It’s the very thing that might set you free.
When I explored this concept for the first time I was sitting in traffic, driving home from a finance job with way-too-expensive purse sitting next to me (I know how that sounds, bear with me), deeply unhappy. I was told by fashion magazines, TV ads, billboards, radio commercials, and reality shows that this was what would make me feel whole. It would make me worth something.
It was a massive lie.
The reality was I was wasting my youth in an office just so that I could sit in a car with depreciating value. I was buying things that would eventually be out of style, that I’d stop caring about, and that definitely didn’t improve me as a person nor make my day to day life more enjoyable. How can a purse do that, really?
I shared this thought with the people I hung out with often at the time. They called me a hippie for questioning the system – a system that they believed in whole-heartedly, and that their parents had subscribed to, and so on.
“You’re supposed to work now so that you can retire rich,” they said.
The more time I spent behind a desk the more I battled with this notion of indentured servitude.
Imagine explaining this culture to an alien who has no understanding of how the human race works.  Think about, for a moment, how ridiculous it truly is sit in a chair when you’re fit and able and then to travel after your body already has 65 years of wear and tear. What if you never even get that far?
Seriously, what if you don’t last that long on planet earth?
It’s an uncomfortable thought that makes working around-the-clock at a job you don’t love for the purpose of buying things that will eventually be useless a lot more painful. It makes that giant diamond ring a lot less meaningful. It makes time spent with anyone other than truly good friends seem wasted. It makes climbing a corporate ladder all for naught.
On a grander scale, it makes every war completely pointless. Every swindle, every piece of gossip, every unkind word, and every negative action is a waste of time and energy.
Confronting that everything will eventually be over, not just for me but for everyone who I’ve ever known or loved, caused me to really think about my day-to-day actions. It made me quit my job and explore, and then build a new one that I like much better. It was scary at first, but everything worth anything is scary at first.
What are you dying to do that you aren’t doing because you’re scared of challenging the status quo? What dreams keep you up at night? Which far off places tempt you every day on your screen saver?
Don’t just dream about it, do it.
I know, I know. I see you shaking your head, saying, “I can’t do that because of XYZ.”
You can come up with endless excuses, but if you are sitting at a computer right now that you own, in a country with water you can drink from the tap, with a bank account and especially a college education, you are amongst the most privileged people in the world whether it feels like it or not. It’s a fact. The only thing getting in your way is you.
Let’s say you don’t have savings, well start making some. Could you cook your own food instead of ordering out, give up Starbucks and your expensive wine habit, and take a leap of faith? I only spent $7k on six months in Southeast Asia. How much does your life cost at home?
Could you work abroad? Could you teach English, or get paid $20/hour to sell coffee or shoes in Australia on a work and holiday visa? It’s not as hard as the naysayers tell you. 18 year old gap yearers do it all the time.
The truth is you’re scared. You’re so afraid of disrupting your semi comfortable and marginally enjoyable weekends because at least you can predict what will happen. Or at least you think you can, even though that’s just phantom security. You’re willing to be bored to be secure.
Am I making you mad? God I hope so. I hope I’m making you so mad that you do some research trying to prove me wrong and realize that I’m actually right. You can do it. I’m not special, and neither is anyone I met traveling. We just got bored enough to say “enough.”
Of course, I can’t say that each day I get to do exactly what I want to do. Some days I sit behind a computer all day (I still have to eat and stuff). Some days are particularly frustrating and some are full of stress. For the vast majority of the of us, spending some days doing things we don’t love so that we can survive is not a choice.
However that doesn’t mean that human beings can’t live a whole and fulfilling life, full of all of the things that make our hearts sing, taking risks so that we can pursue what we really love. The changes don’t have to be big and immediate, they can be small and intentional, and it can be as little as taking a few minutes per day to work towards your goals. It doesn’t have to be about giant leaps. Baby steps are OK, too.
There is no correct path except for the one that you want to follow. It doesn’t matter if the vast majority of the world doesn’t understand why you do what you do. All that matters is that you spend your time in a way that brings you closer to your full potential.
That’s what the world needs – people who are living deliberately rather than just going through the motions, wondering where the years went.
Will you relish the time that you got to walk into Louis Vuitton and buy a purse or will you be super damn grateful that you slaved away and saved up for a trip when you were in your 20s (or 30s, or 40s, it’s never too late to start!), that you experienced the world, that you found out who you really are and how other cultures work, and that you challenged yourself in ways you never thought possible before?
If it were all to end for you within a matter of months, what would you want to define you? Your adventurous spirit or your purse?
Because we’re all dying, and maybe thinking about that more often can help us to truly live.
Ready to take a leap of faith? I’ll tell you exactly how to make it manageable.Â
Ally says
These have been my exact thoughts for years now and more and more as I get closer to when I can start my long term traveling. I’ve always viewed things from the big picture (like life and death, universe kind of big picture) and its always been so hard for me to understand so much of what you mentioned – and especially things like useless paperwork and caring a lot about work rules etc – as being important at all. For real, we’re all going to die so why would I care about such tiny details? Its so nice to see this written down by someone else because sometimes it seems like there’s hardly anyone else who fully views life the way I do, which is how you described it. I know though that I’m not the only one!
Kristin says
So glad I published this then! It’s been sitting in my drafts for months. I wasn’t sure if being so blunt was a good idea, but I also felt like there are a lot of people who might also connect with it, and it’s always good to find kindred spirits 🙂
Alice Teacake says
Hear Hear! I love your words of encouragement and hope this will make people mad enough to do something about it. Will they do it though? I’m not sure :/ I have friends who have told me for years that they wish they could do what I do…but I’m yet to see them do anything about it. I guess you do have to get to that crunch point where ‘enough is enough’ and they just haven’t quite got there yet ><
Endah April says
Hello Kristin! I’m from Indonesia (a country in South East Asia), after read this post I think I shouldn’t kill my adventure side. I almost give up to travel the world due to money I have! That’s so scary haha. Thank you for inspiring me. I’m in my 20s btw. Love!
Kristin says
Best of luck to you!
April Rose says
Its quite ironic that i find myself reading this whilst sitting here at a job that i don’t particularly like. hahah 🙂 Your posts having always been inspiring, but i find myself seriously relating to this… Being stuck in the whole ‘do i stay or do i leave’ kinda thing… you’re right in so many ways. Sometimes we just need to go for it! and sometimes we just need a little push. So thanks for that little push 🙂
Kristin says
To be fair I stuck with a job I didn’t love for years. I just needed to have that nest egg set up first and security. BUT if you aren’t happy, taking the necessary steps towards making a change is a good thing, and can make you feel better every day
Ylvalie says
Let me start by saying i really like you and your blog. But i have to say i did not like this! People are different and there is different stages in life. I don’t think you can say just because you are working a steady job and do a lot of the same, you are wasting your life. There is a lot of people who want to have the security of a house they own, or children they bring up to be part of their life, of their journey before they die. I guess it’s all about what’s important for you personally. And just because you have certain priorities, doesn’t mean everyone should have the same. Of course if you are not happy, by all means change things, but i also don’t buy into the “just do what you love, and everything will work out” philosophy. It might work out, and it might not. And ya, of course it is good to think about life and what you want… I guess i just thought this all sounded a bit like a lecture and a little condescending!
Jessica says
This is how I felt too. BMTM is one of my favorite blogs but this post was more than a little insulting.
I’ve taken trips to three continents and done numerous domestic trips this year while holding down a corporate job, a house, and a husband. Not everyone who works in an office spends their money on purses.
Kristin says
Hey ladies, I understand that you might have read this as putting you down, and I might have read it the same way too, but my point is not that having a corporate job is bad. I just didn’t find it was a fit for ME. I also didn’t have any flexibility in that role to travel. I had nothing fulfilling. It just sucked my soul and I complained about it all the time. I needed an article like this back when I felt that way. I needed to realize that hey, my happiness depended on me. If what you do fulfills you then this isn’t directed towards you. My point as noted at the end is that when you take stock in things, you’re happy with what you’re doing, regardless of what that is. So please don’t take this as a criticism of you, because it’s not directed at someone who is happy with their choices, it’s directed at someone who needs to make a change and needed to hear some blunt and hard things.
Ylenia says
This is so insightful, and I needed it so much, thank you!
I think many people can identify with reconsidering our priorities and wanting a change… the thing is that it’s a scary step to make.
Luckily, thanks to articles like this, we can now that we’re not alone in this dilemma and that it’s actually possible to make that change 🙂
x
Ylenia
Ambitieuse Paris
Kristin says
It’s super scary! I think that’s what made me be so blunt. You can’t really tiptoe around this. You sometimes just need that fire lit underneath you 🙂
Rachel says
Man this post came at just the right time! I guess I’ve always been of the opinion that life is too short to not do the things that make you happy, my dad died when I was a teenager and from that young age I understood that life was fragile. I already quit a corporate career and sold my home to travel once, but got suckered back in again, admittedly doing a job that’s far more “Me”. Yet here I am again, feeling miserable and with a partner who works so hard that it’s making him physically ill. In fact I JUST sent him an article titled “why your job is killing you” coz I’m nice like that, haha!
So we’ve decided to pack up our flat, sell what we don’t need (most of it) and don our backpacks. Will our parents understand? Nope. They will think we’re being irresponsible, but we’ve got to do what makes us happy. And slogging away on the city treadmill isn’t it
Kristin says
What makes you happy IS the responsible thing. Best of luck!
Rodney mau says
wow what a post , I felt like time stood still while I was reading this post, But I understand you msg very well .To be honest if I had to spend my last breath in this world I would love to spend it doing was I love( outdoor life),I believe in life there is nothing worse than saying I wish I had done this or that, coz time waits for no one
Kristin says
Exactly, you have to do it while you can, and to take the steps that are necessary to manifesting that.
Emma Lomas says
This is such an inspirational article, life really is too short not to do the things you love and want to do! So many people are just like flocks of sheep waiting to see what the crowd does, but the people that take their own path discover so many more beautiful amazing things in life!
Thanks so much for this post <3
Kirsten Smith says
It’s stories like this that inspired me to let go of my fear and quit my marketing writing job last year to travel for a year. It’s stories like this that help me take what I’ve learned from my travels, let go of my fear once again and start putting a plan in motion to go for longer — but this time, to take my career with me, while saving for my future. Thanks for being an inspiration, this was one of my favorite posts 🙂
Kristin says
So glad that you enjoyed it and I remember your story from when you filled out the survey! Glad that you had an amazing journey and put your fears aside 🙂
Kristin says
And how many people bought houses they couldn’t afford and lost everything in 2007…
Kristin says
That’s incredible. There’s always some kind of option for another experience. Thank you for sharing this!
Ijana says
Beautiful article! I haven’t done any traveling for awhile, but I’m simply in the saving phase and definitely haven’t forgotten about my traveling spirit. Quite often I start doubting myself and think oh god how am I ever going to afford travel? But it all works out 😀 Just gotta want it enough.
Kristin says
The saving up part is important! But yes it’s all about prioritizing 🙂
Dave Briggs says
This is a very honest post and full of thought provoking statements. That being said, kudos for tackling on the subject! As for me, these were the same thoughts that run through my mind back when I’ve decided to travel the world. Our life goes by so fast to be confined to a dead-end kind of job and spend our entire lives in a cubicle! Go out, see the world, make memories and have fun! That is what promised to myself.
Ann says
Hello. I love the post. I have been ‘thinking’ about travelling for a while. Yet have failed to follow through.
Thanks for a great article.
Anyone want to take a trip, I’m game. Let me know. It can be a short one, but a trip indeed!
Thanks Krisin!
Mani says
I’ve frequented your so website once in a blue moon over the last few years and in my estimation this is your best post yet. You kind of took the words right out of my head and as a fairly religious minded person death is something I’ve always thought about, specifically in the context of one’s life arc so to speak.
I’ve been putting off my long term travel dream for so long now and it’s articles like these that keep me believing I’ll take the leap.
Cheers from Cali!
Kristin says
So glad that you liked this post! Happy to have inspired you to get that much closer to booking at ticket 🙂
Archana Vallabhaneni says
This! Unfortunately such bluntness isn’t received too well by everyone. I just wish society would make a year long travel as “mandatory” as school, college. career, drinking milk, eating your veggies are portrayed to be for our lives!
Amazing post!
Kristin says
I think it would help us out as a society sooooo much, especially in the US
Varsha Talreja says
Amazing thought! Would be wonderful!
Travel says
Great post, really life is too short, we need to do the right thing to enjoy our self, thanks for the inspiration.
Ashish says
Good post. Truly makes sense and justifies the train of thoughts sprouting in my mind. Life is meant to be decorated with valuable experiences and great adventures rather than getting stuck and frustrated in a unworthy and unappealing job doing meaningless and useless things and wasting our precious time.
Its never too late to quit the monotonous lifestyle and opt for the trails that quench your wanderlust and satisfies your ardent spirit of adventure.
Kristin says
So beautifully said, especially that life is meant to be decorated. It’s about acting out of love for yourself and pursuing opportunities relentlessly!
Varsha T says
Kristin, Kristin,
Your BEST post till date! Needed the bluntness! I love the way you write about your experiences. And what timing with this one! I’m reading this as I’m serving my notice period (after 12 years at a job which I grew to dislike over the years, or maybe it was just the monotony.) I’m taking a few gap months so that I can travel a bit and soak up some new adventures.
Thank you for all the inspiration!
Cheers from India! More power to your boots..
Kristin says
Thank you! It ruffled some feathers for sure
SHANMUGA BHARATHI NAGESWARAN says
Great read Kristin.
Katie says
Better words have never been said.
…Now to share with all the people from back home
Sarah says
Because of you my flights are booked and paid for in January. I’m going to Vietnam and Cambodia. The first of many adventures and I’m 46 next week! It’s never too late. This article says everything I’ve been thinking about since I found bemytravelmuse. Thank you for your inspiration xx
Kristin says
HELL YES QUEEN! That’s so amazing. BUT, it’s because of you <3
Gina says
Hi Kristin,
Another great post! I was in a very similar situation as well “great corporate job” (even though it was so physically and mentally demanding I eventually injured myself and burnt out) and saving for a house (which for where I live near SF is almost impossible). I was successful by many western standards, but I was not happy. It was after a physical injury I realized the same concept you said of maybe I dont have more time or what if I cant do it later? So I asked myself the same question, what if I die now what would I regret? For me the resounding answer was traveling to Europe. So through much planning and momentary stress and even guilt I booked my trip and traveled for 6 weeks straight. In those 6 weeks I learned so much about myself and the world. I also learned that a life of constant travel is not for me. So although I’d rather space out my travel and live in one place, I am still living a more deliberate and intentional life. That’s the big point here I think is to take the risk to find the things you love most to do and do them and continue to grow as a person. Thank you for keeping people inspired to chase their dreams, whatever they may be! I’m now currently writing several childrens books I started on the trip and am excited to see where that takes me. Much love!
Kristin says
How cool that you discovered a passion for writing children’s books! I totally agree – the point of traveling is to figure out that there are other options, and they’re available, and anything you want is in reach if you decide to allow yourself to have it.