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2 Huge Things I Learned from 2 Years of Sobriety

07/14/2019 by Kristin Addis 21 Comments

I have completely stop drinking for 2 years now. To celebrate, I look back on the 2 years and share the 2 biggest lessons I have learned from sobriety. Quitting alcohol has led me to a more wholesome life. If you have been considering quitting alcohol, I welcome you to read my story.
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Two years ago today I was sitting on a flight with a stage five hangover. You know, the kind where you’d cry if there were any moisture left in your body? When the beverage cart came by, I did something I’d never done before when given the option to order wine – I asked for water.

Ever since then, I’ve kept this practice of choosing water, or coffee, or anything other than alcohol. I’ve kept this practice of saying yes to my health and well-being.

Over the course of these past two years, there have been thousands of little micro-learnings and signs that keep supporting this decision and effort to stay sober. However there are 2 things that stick out the most – these are the biggest things I have learned over the course of the past two years without alcohol:

It’s Important to Release Shame

kayangan lake
It weighs you down

With the benefit of hindsight, I can see now how much shame I was regularly subjecting myself to while I was drinking. Maybe I wasn’t to the point that I needed to pour myself a drink in the morning when I woke up, and sometimes I could go months without having an issue. But one thing was clear, when it came to alcohol, I didn’t have the ability to feel when I’d had enough. I always wanted more.

In the comments section of my first post about sobriety, some people asked why I don’t just use self control:

Why not just drink one then? I can do that. I just have self-control.

Throughout my whole 20s I thought that it was just a self control issue, too. This is the most misunderstood thing about alcoholism and is quite damaging advice to give to anyone who is struggling.

I’ve never felt more relieved than when I started reading Living Sober and learned that it was never about self control (they will give you this book for free in AA, by the way, but you can buy it here if you’d rather read it on your own).  Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, affectionately called “The Big Book”, also refers to alcoholism as an obsession mixed with an allergy, and this rings true for me: The obsession that next time it will be different, and the allergy of not reacting to the substance in the same way that others do. Isn’t that why some of us become addicted to food, technology, love and attention, or porn? We are all wired so differently, and while some can have self control and healthy boundaries, others never had that ability.

The other piece of shame came from hiding my sobriety. I was afraid that I would be judged for being unable to handle alcohol in my life – perhaps because I judged myself so harshly about this. But I’ve been so amazed to find that time and time again, people are nothing but impressed. I never saw that coming!

Their reactions are what helped me to accept and appreciate that the sober path is actually the path for strong people. People who are willing to remove a crutch. People who are willing to feel life full on.

Now I am in the driver’s seat. I don’t wake up with towering dread anymore or see a woman in the mirror who I’m ashamed of.

In my previous post about this, I skirted how big of a problem alcohol had been for me and didn’t dive into the program I used to get sober, but I don’t want to wear any masks now, and even though it’s an anonymous program, I feel keeping it a secret doesn’t help anyone.

After some coaxing from a friend in the early days of my sobriety, I went to an AA meeting, dived right into a 12 step program, and attended Refuge Recovery (a Buddhist approach) meetings too. I got a sponsor in Berlin and went to a meeting almost every day for the first three months of my sobriety. Sometimes I cried in meetings, I expressed how difficult it was, and I was met with so much support and love, it was incredible. The 12 steps helped me get brutally honest with myself about where I was in denial, and through all of my spiritual practices in life, this has been the most profound. Even as someone who struggles with the ‘God’ word, I was able to put my feelings towards it aside so that I could get the other benefits the program had to offer. I honestly think everyone would benefit from a 12 step program. It’s about radical honesty with yourself and righting your wrongs. Russell Brand does a good job of explaining it in his book, which I recommend on audio.

Going to the first meeting is scary, but once you’re there it can feel like home. If you don’t like the first one, try again. There are many different formats and it took me time to find the ones I liked best.

It also helps me to look to women I admire who are sober. Gabrielle Bernstein, Brené Brown, Natalie Portman, and recently Anne Hathaway have all spoken about their decision to quit drinking. Here’s a list of rock stars, too. I love how they all work to destigmatize it and this is partially why I’m being so open today even though it scares me. This brings me to my second big realization:

Feeling Our Feelings is Beautiful

anza borrego
This feels right

During the first few months after I quit drinking and smoking, I noticed how sharp I was becoming. The brain fog lifted and I became much more in tune with my body and my emotional state. I had never realized how much I’d been messing with my ability to listen to myself before.

Around this time I got more deep into meditation and spiritual practices. There was a space, a void left behind, and I knew I had to fill it with something else. I learned about breath work, Tantric practices, and Emotional Freedom Technique. I still get stressed, I put myself down and things upset me. Since I don’t choose to reach for a glass of wine, whiskey, beer, or anything anymore, I have to use other ways of getting through it.

Now I feel the pain. I sit with it and I allow it. In Buddhism one of the Four Noble Truths states that things are ever-changing and impermanent. I know that when pain comes up that it will not be forever. I also know that growth is often preceded by great struggle. But I don’t want to hide from any of it anymore. I feel fortunate that I feel everything fully now, and I don’t have to question if my emotions are real or caused by a come-down. I’m happy to report, by the way, that my anxiety pretty much disappeared after I quit.

I’ve also learned to feel more love and compassion. I have days when I am PMSing and struggling and things are not going well, but more often I’m able to approach people with equanimity and patience. I just assume that everyone is doing their best, or if someone is aggressive, I’ve learned not to take it personally. When you’re steadfast and you’ve done the work to understand yourself and to be compassionate towards others, what other people do to you matters a lot less. You know it’s really about them, not you.

I have so much more time for myself these days, exponentially more money, and more confidence than ever. I know I owe that to sobriety. I owe that to myself. That feels really damn good.

Maybe this all sounds too good to be true or like I’m floating on a cloud, and sometimes I feel that I am. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to feel more joy than sorrow these days. All I can do is share my own experience.

And I know that I’m never really out of the woods. Addiction is seductive and every now and then a fantasy enters my mind that I could party like I used to for a weekend. That it would be fun and consequence free, or when things are hard that I could just disappear into the underbelly of Berlin for a while. Maybe I’d never come out.

That’s why I just take it one step at a time. It used to be impossible to imagine giving up alcohol for my entire life, and sometimes I lament that I won’t be having wine in Italy or craft beer in Portland, and I wish that it would be different. That I could be “normal” like those who can have just 1 or 2 and for whom it’s not a problem, but that’s not the hand of cards I was dealt and it’s not worth it to pretend otherwise.

Here’s a final thought that I found beautiful in my early recovery: In order for shamans to truly become a shaman, they must heal themselves first. I used to feel victimized by my pain and my story, but now I look at my struggle and I feel gratitude for it. Without suffering I would never have sought to heal, and I’m so grateful for this journey.

And if you’re reading this looking for an answer, all you have to do is decide not to drink today, and make the same decision tomorrow. Know that you don’t have to do it on your own, and to know that it is totally possible.

You’re stronger and more capable than you think. You’re never too broken.

Today I celebrate 2 years. I hope that in 20 more, I’ll be writing a post like this again.

READ NEXT:

A Year Without Alcohol

Sober in Southeast Asia: An Impossible Mission?

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About Kristin Addis

Kristin Addis is the founder and CEO of Be My Travel Muse, a resource for female travelers all around the world since 2012. She's traveled solo to over 65 countries and has brought over 150 women on her all-female adventure tours from Botswana to the Alaskan tundra.

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Comments

  1. Scott says

    07/14/2019 at 7:46 am

    Kristin, good for you! This post is so inspiring and I know it will help others. Not enough people talk about going sober, and it can leave those struggling feel like they are isolated or alone. Reading something like this is like adding someone to your support group. The journey you are going on is incredible and I think you are doing awesome! Keep up the good work and I wish you all the best!

    Reply
  2. Sarah Carr says

    07/14/2019 at 6:45 pm

    This is one of the most beautiful things I have read in quite some time. thank you for this.

    Reply
  3. GG says

    07/14/2019 at 8:33 pm

    Thanks for opening up and telling us your full story. Thanks for giving hope to others from your own experience. The last post about this I saw so many reaching to you to know how you did it and seeking your advice with you there for them. I am sure you have helped so many already and will help so many more with the information and advice here for all to see. There are the physical journeys and mountains to conquer, but also the personal ones and often you can’t have one without the other. BMTM covers both which is special. You are brave, strong, and a great role model for many including myself, not only for the action you have taken here with writing this post (and all the other acts of loving kindness you have performed over the years for others), but also for teaching us about being happy with who we are and about being human, 100% genuine with a big heart. We are proud of you for what you have accomplished so far and there for you if you ever need support and wish you continued success with this so that we can indeed celebrate your 20th anniversary and more!

    Reply
  4. Kait says

    07/14/2019 at 9:33 pm

    Congrats on two years!! I will be two years sober next month. Thank you for opening up more about your recovery and your addiction. It helps to see it normalized. I find especially in the area of travel it is not talked about enough! There is such a big emphasis put on drinking and travel. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  5. Bill Winn says

    07/15/2019 at 3:22 am

    Aloha Kristin
    Congratulations & Well Done Young Lady!
    And who knows, maybe when You get around 25yrs of Sobriety, Someone will organize a Meeting for You, in/at a remote Amazon Basin Lodge (Stranger things can happen)!
    Someone did that for me once & I am Forever Grateful!
    (And I don’t think that person [who organized it], has any idea just how cool a story that really is)

    Until the next time Young Lady, Be Safe in Your Travels!
    Best
    Bill Winn

    Reply
  6. Lynn says

    07/15/2019 at 6:27 am

    Thank you for sharing. Congrats on you milestone.

    Reply
  7. Italia says

    07/15/2019 at 7:09 am

    Congrats you beautiful human! You inspire and give strength to woman all over. Good job ❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
  8. Kristin says

    02/24/2020 at 6:45 pm

    Wow! Hi Kristin. I am also Kristin. I just happenEd to run across your blog while googling Arizona road trips. I read further along, and found this post. How incredibly awesome that you have over two years sober now. I have a little over 7 months sober, and also credit my sobriety to AA! I have recently started attending recovery dharma meetings, and love all the teachings. Me and my husband are currently planning a trip out to Arizona with our two children, and I couldn’t be more excited to see and experience all the sites. It’s amazing how you can see the world so differently when you awaken to the beauty of it all. It’s a whole new life, one that I never thought possible. I am so grateful that I stumbled across your blog and all your recommendations of places to visit while in Arizona. Thank you, and thank you for your inspiring story. I know I was meant to find your blog. ??

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      02/25/2020 at 9:01 am

      Aw amazing Kristin. Congrats on 7 months! Your comment means so much, and is exactly what I needed to read right now <3

      Reply
  9. Rick says

    05/04/2020 at 12:16 am

    Hi Kristin,

    I had to comment on this ‘cause you pretty much saved me just now. I’ve been sober 19 months now and as I’m writing this I just started to calm down from a super strong urge to throw it all out the window. This lockdown time is amplifying so much for me these days and I’ve been experiencing so much anxiety thinking about the uncertainty of my future – I’ve lost all work and have no idea what I’m going to do when this is all done as my industry pretty much vanished overnight. I’ve been doing okay without alcohol but for some reason tonight the urge to drink my sorrows away got super heavy. But that one line you wrote saying “decide to not drink today” made the solution so logical to me. It’s easy to forget why you don’t drink sometimes. Especially when you’ve been sober for awhile and are having thoughts about trying out a drink or two here and there. I really appreciate everything you wrote in here though. It all hit home and made me feel so much better to hear someone with a similar story. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      05/04/2020 at 9:32 am

      Hey Rick. I totally get you. I have those urges, too, even when everything is going fine. Sometimes it just sounds so nice, but then I remember it was never nice, not to me.

      If you can get through this you can get through anything <3

      Reply
  10. Michelle Marie Cox says

    05/19/2020 at 6:30 pm

    Wow. We have so much in common. I’ve got fifteen years of sobriety, also with the help of AA. And it took a little while for me the shed the shame. I was actually traveling alone, with my two kids, when I had to swim to save my son and I. That incident showed me how capable I was, and how I should be proud of my sobriety rather than ashamed of what came before it. I’m sending you an email

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      05/20/2020 at 9:55 am

      Aw thank you for reaching out! Shame is such a useless thing. I’m actively trying to let that go.

      Reply
  11. Marypat O’Connor says

    07/08/2020 at 7:10 am

    Wow this is so inspiring!! I stopped drinking about a year ago and I agree, people telling you “just have one” is the most frustrating things ever! But I also agree that life really opens up once you put the alcohol down and I’m so amazed by your vulnerability speaking on this topic! ❤️

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      07/08/2020 at 11:07 am

      And “why can’t you have self control?” UGH.

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment and I’m 8 days away from 3 years!

      Reply
  12. Jenny says

    10/29/2020 at 11:50 pm

    Great job! I did it on my own. I was in the same boat. Now, years later, even taking a sip of any kind of alcohol is out of the question. I no longer want to even smell it. The smell literally makes me sick. I don’t miss it at all.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      11/02/2020 at 9:49 am

      I hate the smell too.

      Reply
  13. Sophie Walls says

    01/03/2022 at 1:01 pm

    Amazing amazing amazing and a brilliant read, thank you darling xxx

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      01/03/2022 at 2:00 pm

      Glad you liked it!

      Reply
  14. Gael Fae says

    07/07/2022 at 5:26 am

    Still making a difference 3 years later! I just came across this article and found it so honest and beautifully well-rounded, I couldn’t help but share it on my social media pages. As a fellow woman in long-term recovery from substance addiction (we both sobered up the same year) I have encountered so many people, both addicted and loved ones, who are seeking all the answers to their questions which you share here so perfectly. Thank you for your courage to share your truth, so that others in this world that need it, are able to find it.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      07/09/2022 at 3:52 pm

      I’m so glad! I really appreciate the kind words and congratulations on your sober journey as well! I’ll have 5 years in a couple days 🙂

      Reply

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