I’ve been getting a few emails lately that suggests to me that it’s time to address this topic again in more detail: you’ve planned out your perfect trip and you are honestly dying to go but you wake up in the middle of the night sometimes in a panic worrying about all of the things that could go wrong.
That is totally normal. And it’s okay too.
I often come across as brave on this blog because I’ve hitchhiked solo and traveled solo in Africa, which some people think is scary, but I am honestly not the poster child for bravery. I was scared shitless of traveling by myself.
Sometimes I still get scared before going somewhere I know nothing about, but I know now from experience that in the end that it’s going to be okay.
I do find it motivating to get out of my comfort zone these days, because I’ve done it so many times and now I think it’s exhilarating. But sometimes, I still need to give myself a pep talk.
I think it’s totally normal for you to be scared before you try something you’ve never tried before, specially if you’re finding it hard to get support from those around you, but that doesn’t mean you need to cancel everything and stay home. Here are a few ways to combat the fears:
Give Your Fears Names
The more I have practiced mindfulness meditation the more I have learned to observe my thoughts as just what they are – things coming into my mind, usually with the intention of helping me even though they do the opposite. But they are just thoughts and they are not me. They do not have to define me.
Sometimes it helps to just say to them, “oh hey, pain!”, “oh hey, fear!” Kind of like acknowledging a little barking dog or a cricket that makes a whole lot of noise for its tiny body.
Observing and conceptualizing these fears as little beings that are not you when they come up might help you to stop them from taking over your thoughts entirely.
Have a plan in place
What is it exactly that you’re scared of? Is it money? Is it safety? Is it the fear of loneliness?
I find that having a clear answer to each of these potential problems is really helpful. Am I worried about running out of money? Then I will have a financial plan in place. Am I worried about safety? Then I will learn about the precautions I need to take (this list from 31 solo female travelers is a good place to start!).
You can also check out my book for a boat load more detail on each of these things.
Know that most personal safety problems stem from being alone at night or getting too intoxicated – these are things you can avoid!
Unfortunately, there are jerks out there who prey on people who are by themselves at night, or too drunk to defend themselves.
They know no sex or gender. I know lots of guys who have been mugged because they walked home at night when they should have taken a cab.
The only time I’ve had a problem with sexual assault was when I was walking alone at night, breaking my own rule.
Just take a cab, and don’t get too drunk. If you have your wits about you and pay up for transport when it’s dark, you’ll make yourself way less of a target.
Focus on the positives
It might help to write down a physical list of all of the wonderful things that you hope will happen as a result of traveling alone.
Here’s mine:
- I get to do everything I want when I want to.
- I get to be whoever I want without anyone else’s definition.
- I get to meet all kinds of interesting new people and I also get to have ‘me’ time when I want it.
- I get to hone in all of my skills like haggling, negotiating, navigation, and problem-solving.
- I get to be a strong independent woman like Beyoncé sang about.
Take a tour first to ease in
Starting with a tour can be a great option for solo travelers. You already know that you won’t be alone too much because you will meet plenty of other people, you don’t have to worry about planning everything out yourself, and you still get to have a really amazing travel adventure without all of the responsibilities falling to you.
It’s the call that I made when I traveled through Namibia, Botswana, and Zambia on a tour instead of going solo. When I returned to Africa 2 years later, I had more confidence to do the trip independently with our own vehicle. I had a better idea of what I was dealing with.
I think the key is to find a tour that specifically calls to what you want. If you want something adventurous and to be with people who are like-minded, pick one that really feels right to you.
Since I wanted to put something out there that I didn’t feel really existed yet, I created tours that combine adventurous elements as well as authenticity and a small group atmosphere. Our first one is in Peru you can learn more about that here.
Take care of your valuables
Carry a dummy wallet, use gear that is theft proof, and insure your belongings so that if someone tries to rob you, you’re not too worried about it.
Usually most unfortunate incidences around traveling just have to do with petty theft. By removing any resistance towards being robbed, you make it a lot easier on yourself to just enjoy your trip and not worry about losing your stuff (more on my gear here if you’d like to look at the travel insurance I use).
Remember that most of our greatest fears never come to pass
Here’s the thing – most of what you worry about is statistically unlikely to happen, and/or is something that you have direct control over.
You also have control over whether you end up going or not, but it would be a pity to miss out on something you’re dying to do because of fear.
So I hope that these tips help you to try out a trip, even just a baby one, so that you can see what you’re made of.
You got this.
Jub says
I like these answers to direct questions Kristen! Never heard of naming fears before, that’s a fun take on it.
Even after a few years, I get nervous about hitchhiking from time to time….what if a bad person picks me up etc.
Ultimately, my reasoning is -> it’s just as much of a risk for them to pick me up as it is for me to get in their car.
Then like you mentioned, I have a plan in place…do I accept a ride to anywhere? do they speak a little English? is there going to be plenty of day light left by the time we reach somewhere/? etc. these plans are always flexible, but staying conscious is easy enough.
Kristin says
True I have similar thoughts about hitchhiking. It’s all about feeling it out and going with your gut in those split seconds.
GG says
It also seems to depend on the country, some places it is embraced a lot or even encouraged. I haven’t been in years, but there were always “hitchhiker” spaces in Israel (many soldiers do it too), and I heard maybe from you Kristin, how it is popular and easy in places like New Zealand (and many more I am sure, but not done it much myself in many years). Funny thing is how Uber and Lyft sometimes feel like a bridge between hitching a ride out of the blue versus a formal taxi.
GG says
I believe that spontaneity is the spice of life, and have tried to be so in my daily life, but when it comes to traveling alone or with a family with kids where rational decision-making can be at a premium, it all comes down to doing your research as Kristin has emphasized. Making an effort to learn the place and its people can help dispel concerns. As an aside, it also identify areas you thought were “safe” and are actually not as much so too. Also, packing and preparing before a trip, don’t go run out and do something without thinking it through. Kristin has so many links related to this. Scout out the place beforehand, read the 31 safety ideas from her great link she provides, always keep your wits about your, situational awareness, etc. It is great to have someone like Kristin and other bloggers who through their experiences can prevent us from making the more rookie mistakes. I think if you prepare, do a tour first (that is an awesome idea, I also take notes when I travel when I see something I may not be into but my friends, kids, or wife would be), try a “baby trip”, that this may allay some fears related to travel. Lastly, those 31 tips Kristin links to could apply to how you should be in your own neighborhood, especially alone at night, and especially with your kids and boundaries.
As for fear in general, I think the key is to filter out what is fear like “don’t do this” where your instinct or gut is speaking to it like a “red alert” (and in this case as recommended here, a good thing to listen to) and something like an inbuilt overprotective mom or dad in your mind where you want to feel safe, but you are actually denying yourself access to this beautiful, blessed world. When one educates oneself and looks at these blogs, I think that does a lot of good to limit those fears. There is also the psychological irrational fear (like mine is a mild fear of heights, didn’t even realize what it was until I went camping and hung out at a hand-gliding platform with others) which is one where if you acknowledge it, you can then work a way to overcome it or at least tame it a bit (I have a breathing technique, but it is a battle sometimes). It is a real confidence booster and thrill when you are able to tame such a fear. As an example, I got myself and my wife to take a nice open helicopter ride over Mt. Mount Waialeale to see waterfalls up close and the contrast of wettest place on Earth to desert within minutes. To allay the fear of the ride, we researched every single helicopter company twice over and picked one with the highest safety record by far. You never can remove any risk, but when you put yourself in control of it instead of being a victim, it helps a lot!!
Last comment, the more I read your stuff, Kristin, whatever happens to you in life in the future, speaking as a parent, if you ever became a Mom or are an Aunt, that you would be (or must be) a great one, you provide such great life and safety advice, and really care. From the stories you could tell alone… as a kid I would be enraptured!!!!
Elizabeth Whitehead says
If I’m ever afraid of something, not knowing where I am, or how to navigate I always tell myself that when I’m out and through the other side I’ll be a stronger more competent person for it. But as you mentioned, you have to ask yourself what you’re actually afraid of. If It’s a rational fear of something dangerous, like being mugged or assaulted walking home in the dark, I just don’t do it. I used to get nervous thinking about hitch-hiking, but as soon as I stepped on the roadside and put my thumb out, I was just in the moment and feeling a good energy! The fear thinking about it and what could possibly go wrong was more scary than actually just doing it, which was fine. In all my time hitching, which has been a lot, I’ve only ever had to deny a ride from 1 person. Awesome article!
Kristin says
Same I’ve only said ‘no’ once! Just didn’t feel right. All the rest have been exhilarating as you said. I love that you remind yourself of how much stronger these experiences will make you. My life coach often tells me to picture myself victorious or how I’d be if I was already over the hurdle and it’s great advice.
becky says
this is a fantastic write up and actually i would love to know more about your life coach 🙂
Kristin says
She’s great! We talk every week via FaceTime and she helps me to ask myself the questions I didn’t think of asking. She’s been so helpful in both life and business. Feel free to ask me any other questions if you are wondering about anything specific 🙂 You can get a discount off the first session or pack of sessions if you use the coupon code ‘Kristin’ at headwaynow.com which is where I found her.
Sofia James says
Nice blog. New information and very informative.