Dear 21-year-old Kristin, happy birthday! This is you from the future, sailing in to drop a few bombs of knowledge on that you will wish you knew back then.
This is going to blow your mind, but in the last 10 years you didn’t become a rockstar, not that that was ever in your aspirations, you’re not a millionaire, but you don’t mind that too much, and you’re sitting in Berlin Germany. I know!Β Right now you don’t know anything about Germany except for they speak this complicatedΒ language called ‘German’ here. It’s totally crazy.
People will tell you that your 30s are the best decade and you will roll your eyes because it is unimaginable to you that anything could be better than your 20s, standing in a crowded bar with a sticky floor and dancing to horrible ’00s top 40 music.
To be honest, your 20s were pretty cool but you spent a lot of them insecure and unsure of yourself. A lot of what I will say will be difficult to hear, and I know you hate nothing more than to be told what to do, but for once, maybe you should sit yourself down and listen.
These are 31 little things that you learned in the last 10 years:
1. I know that right now, the most exciting thing ever is that you can finally get into bars without a fake ID, but in about 10 years that is the last place that you will feel like being. Partying, contrary to popular music and television, does not make you cool and it’s not that exciting. In reality you just want to escape responsibility and use it as a band-aid solution for doing some real growth work. It’ll be painful when you finally do grow up and realize how much time you wasted on being wasted.
2. You’re scared of getting older. Each and every birthday after this one you will probably freak out about getting on in age, and each and every year you will remember that you freaked out before and how silly that was because you were so much younger back then.
3. Please stop comparing yourself to others. Delete Facebook now, it’s a sinking ship of your youth and time. Life is not selfies and manufactured perfection.
4. It is totally OK that you don’t get married or have kids in the next 10 years. You are also going to quit your fancy corporate jobΒ and buy a one-way ticket to Bangkok toΒ pursue your dream of being a writer.Β People will think you’re crazy and in truth, you are kind of crazy.
5. Which brings me to, please don’t stress about not having everything figured out. The truth is you never will, but you will get better at accepting it in time.
6. The greatest skills you will acquire over the next 10 years are recognizing the power of honesty, the importance of compassion, and the incredible skill of patience. To be honest, that last one is still something you struggle with!
7. As the world gets bigger to you, you will realize how small you are within it and how little anything you do really matters. You are an imperceptible grain of sand in millennia and millennia in a universe greater than anyone can imagine. So stop worrying so much that you’ll make a mistake, because it’s not as big of a deal as you think.
8. You’re going to spend a lot of time alone, which right now probably sounds terrible but it will be exactly what you need.
9. You will hear the 20-something motto, ‘live life with no regrets because everything you did was exactly what you wanted.’ This is really just a way of making excuses for behaving badly. It is impossible to live a life without regrets. Even the freaking Dalai Lama has regrets. To err is to be human, but own up to what you do.
10. You are in control of absolutely everything that is going on in your life. Say that 10 times to yourself anytime you feel like shifting the blame for your decisions to someone else.
11. MoneyΒ is not and never will be the answer.
12. Fame is not and never will be the answer.
13. Finding someone to love you and be your life partner is not and never will be the answer. There’s nobody coming to save you. You have to save yourself.
14. But love is a beautiful and powerful thing so please don’t shut it out. Give it realistic expectations so that it can actually grow.
15. Look for the good in people.Β Whenever you feel wronged, pause and considerΒ if it was really, honestly personal, and 9 times out of 10 the answer will be ‘no’ and you’ll feel better instantly.
16. When something wonderful happens in your life, reflect on what you did to make it happen and allow yourself a moment of praise.
17. Whenever something goes wrong, ask yourself what you did to cause it, be honest in your answer, and make a change.
18. But be gentle with yourself, because change will come much more quickly if you are a lot kinder with your inner dialogue.
19. Question absolutely everything. Question societal expectations and standards, question the status quo, never stop asking ‘why?’ and challenging commonly-held beliefs.
20.Β Sour gummy worms are not real food.
21. Not everybody is going to like you, understand you, or respect you. If you have haters and trolls just for being you then it means you’re doing something right. Nobody who quietly sits in the corner without ruffling any feathers makes waves.
22. Understand that your path will not always be puppies and rainbows and that there is beauty in the hard times and the hell as well.
23. Remember that your greatest gifts are something that only you can give. The same is true for everyone else. Always give othersΒ space to pursue their own happiness and bliss. Everybody deserves a chance.
24. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you have so much more privilege than you have any clue about. Practice gratitude every damn day.
25. The economy is going to crash, the world will become a somewhat scarier place, so what are you going to do? You’re going to go out and enjoy it, and prove them all right that millennials are the ‘me’ generationΒ and we’re going to fix the world.
26. You look amazing, stop stressing about that ounce of fat around your belly. No those are not wrinkles around your eyes! Your body is the most magnificent machine ever made (and so is everyone else’s), take really good care of it. Seriously.
27. What kind of car you drive doesn’t matter. What kind of purseΒ you carry doesn’t matter. These things will never make you happy.
28. Chasing happiness will also never make you happy. The destination is the voyage.
29. Your heart is big, you are wonderful, and you can create so many amazing things. everybody has this ability within themselves. When you let others know that you see it in them, you will both be given room to shine.
30. Never make a 5-year plan. It’s a gigantic waste of time.
31. Your imagination is the most powerful thing you have. We were all children once and we all still have that youthful energy within us. Whenever you can, find thatΒ inner child in others and never forget unicorn obsessed six-year-old Kristin.
Each and every year of your life, I promise, you will look back on the very same day in April and reflect, unable to believe all of the things that happened over the previous 365 days.
I know that none of this will sink in, I know that none of it will really make sense right now, and to be honest it still doesn’t even 10 years later. All that said, please know that the world really is your oyster,Β and that it’s OK that you didn’t know any of this back then, and that you still can’t predict the future now, because everything that you did brought you to where you are today (and today is pretty damn cool).
Until the next decade, enjoy the shot of rum in your hand but be forewarned that after tonight you will never want to see another one again.
Hugs,
31-year-old Kristin
Ijana Loss says
Love this! I think everyone gets a little wiser and more true to themselves as they grow up, and personally I’m really looking forward to getting older (I’m not even 21 lol). Also, imagine the letter you’ll be writing in 10 years when you’re 41 looking back at your 31 year old self!
Kristin says
I know! I hear your 40s can be even better…
Anna says
Wow, KrIstin. I rarely comment but this is a great piece – full of advice that my 34 year old self could (will!) hugely benefit from. Going to go and sit with points 15-18 for a while! Thank you …
Kristin says
Glad you enjoyed it Anna!
Tuscany Trisha says
Hi, i found this through your link on instagram. Woooah, currently on my first work abroad, just turned 23, and reading this makes me feel calmer and stop pressuring myself from giving myself ultimatums of lifegoals blah blah. Hehe
Kristin says
Down with the ultimatums! The more room and permission you give yourself to be what you will become, the better, while being honest with yourself as well. Just my two 31 year old cents π
Tyna says
Hi! I’m 21 and want to thank you for that. It makes me a little more calmly about future.
Kristin says
You got this!
Ryan says
Really really love this post Kristin. Imagination, fo sho. And 5 year plan? Nahhh. Feel ya on that one. I’ve thought about writing a letter to myself at some point, given I’m approaching 30, that age everyone freaks out about. Except every growing year has been the best year so far, so I feel it’ll only get better. This article feels like a time warp, something very Interstellar-esque but I dig it! And gummy worms aren’t real food, but sour patch kids on the other hand…
Kristin says
I’ve never had more clarity and ability to realize my own crap and to call myself out on it, gently, as I have before. Maybe the best really is always yet to come. It feels great being in my 30s!
Maricel says
32. You have no idea how you will positively influence and inspire a lot of people’s lives from all over the world Kristin. YES it will happen and hopefully that thought will fuel you whenever you feel that things aren’t going your way.
xx
Kristin says
Aw the feels! Thank you so much that made me feel awesome and I’m so happy to write things that people identify with. It’s a gift you guys give me.
Christina says
I love this post, Kristin!! All of these items are great and very true – all things I’m gradually learning as a 24 year old. Especially love the point about being in control of everything in your life. Happy birthday π
Kristin says
Thanks for the kind words, Christina! You are already so well on your way to living an amazing life and it’s something I wish I’d started on even earlier. Have a blast in your 20s! They’re amazing too.
Maria says
Where did you take this picture with the flamingos? I want to go there now! Please tell us!
Kristin says
Renaissance Island in Aruba
Jub says
I’m guessing you had an awesome smile while writing this. Yay for 31 year old Kristin, it’s gonna be the best year ever!
Kristin says
Thank you!
Kat says
Love this post!
Where can you hang out with flamingos like that?!
Kristin says
Aruba!
GG says
Hey Kristin:
Writing to your younger self was a writing assignment I recall once being in a creative writing class. It can be therapeutic I have been told if done properly (also associated with Oprah?) It is great how you have made it a tool not only for self-reflection but as a great guide for your readers, a way of sharing your experiences to bond or help others. As a 31 year old, you are wise beyond your years, look how far you have gotten since you are 21. You look so happy and so at peace, and in great physical and mental shape from all your travels. Very inspiring.
I think the one of not being too hard on yourself and owning up but being gentle about it is an incredibly value life lesson. It is hard sometimes to accomplish as I can push myself too hard at times, especially being surrounded by so many brilliant people in my life. One thing about going at things alone is that you truly learn how to take control of your life, and while you have only yourself to answer to for mistakes, you also only have yourself to credit for your successes as well!
I think life is incredible; while it teaches you humility in that you are just a speck in the universe, you also can be so pivotal in the lives of some many individuals you encounter in your life journey through such simple acts of loving-kindness. I think you have seen this from all the people you have touched in your journeys and through this blog. Surely if everyone in your generation could follow your example (and continue to work on patience!) there could be great strides toward making the world a much better place.
Also on another note, hopefully one day money/wealth/power will be relegated back as a means to a goal instead of the goal itself and that everyone in the world will be able to enjoy what we take for granted in their own way/culture. Maybe this global instant communication can help.
GG
P.S. Yes, certainly agree that you can’t link your happiness to being loved by others. Funny thing is that by your kind actions, strength in being able to do things on your own, loving yourself (faults, strengths and all), and not needing it from others, that the love suddenly comes to you from all directions!
Kristin says
Such a good point about love, and all good things coming to you, when you’re living an authentic, open, and loving lifestyle, not just towards yourself but towards others too. When I operate from that place, I really feel like I have super powers!
Kristin says
I’m so looking forward to the 50-something version of myself going back and reading this stuff! It’ll be such a trip. I better keep taking care of this machine <3
Somebody says
Haha it’s a cool letter
Love it so much ?
Happy 31!
Wish you will and always be happy π
Kristin says
I opened this because I’m struggling a bit with the soon transition from 20s-30s and immediately got freaked out because I thought it was some sort of article that changes names based on your profile. ?
Kristin says
Haha! I’m not that high tech!
Moitri says
Hi Kristin,
I read this letter as if I am hearing it from my own 31 years old self.
I am thrilled and happy to see that what I always feel is felt by someone else too. I keep thinking about all the things you have said above but its different and much assuring when someone puts it across straight.
I am motivated and energetic now to walk this path which i have been dreaming only.
Thank you Kristin Love you loads π
Kristin says
Thank you for the love and I’m so glad that this resonated!
Laura says
Happy Birthday, Kristin!! And thanks for sharing these very personal insights. I sometimes do it the other way round: I write letters to my future self, about all I’m worried about and what I wish to keep in mind. When I read them months or years later, I always tear up.
Kristin says
Friends have suggested that I do that as well and I agree it is a great way to calm your worries about the future. Such a good idea!
Ann says
I just fcking cried. I need this. Thank you so much for this. You never fail to inspire me. I love you!?
Kristin says
<3
Nancy says
This is really inspiring Kristin! I feel exactly the same under many of the aspects you touched, not quite 30 but I’m getting there quickly and the struggle of comparing myself with anybody else is a daily life challenge. I really feel your words.
Keep up doing what you’re doing π
Nancy
Kristin says
It’s a struggle for me too! Just need to remind myself
Ben says
Kristin,
Was reading articles about visiting South Africa (a life long goal of mine) and stumbled across your blog. I rarely ever leave comments, but I was so struck by the purity, richness, and honesty of your writing I felt compelled. You’re an inspiration. As a man in my early thirties, I wholeheartedly relate to your advice. In a world full of billions of different interactions, in brief and fleeting moments, your words made a small but positive impact in my life. Keep up the great work, and safe travels.
Warm regards,
Ben
Kristin says
Wow Ben that’s beautiful. Thank you so much for the kind comment and I’m so glad that you found my writing to be moving!
Pauline says
Hi Kristin
Love your writing. Now that I am over 60, I do make 5 year plans, (in July, when the weather at home is cold.) itβs my way of organising my world to fit all my ideas in. And I wish I had kept a better diary. Your electronic collection is amazing, words and photos. Last year I read part of Freya Starkeβs writing about travelling in the Middle East in the early 1900s. Oh, that was a different world (if you had money and position).
Happy travels to you. Thanks for sharing. You are making an inspiring difference.
Pauline
Kristin says
Oh I just lover her writing! Yes I’m glad to have such meticulous travel records. Maybe someday someone in the future will read them long after I’m gone. That would be pretty cool!
Marge says
Hi there Kristin,
I’ve been reading a lot of travel blogs recently for some tips for a beginner traveler and I could say that this one stands out. You write with pure heart and can relate to some of your articles especially this one. This letter reminds me of the time when I was about to write a letter to my 20-year-old-self when I turned 30 about two years ago. Didn’t pursue it coz I thought that it was a crazy idea but I just realized now that those crazy thoughts that I had or have are actually the ones that would lead you to learn something new and be a better version of you. π
Keep inspiring solo female travelers! Indeed you are making a difference:)
Marge
Kristin says
Hi Marge, so glad that you enjoy what you find here, and I hope that you do write that letter since even at 32 it’s not too late π
Shera Bella says
Super cool post! I am 54, and would love to have one of these every 10 years. Guess no time like the present to start! Thank you for the inspiration!
Kristin says
Yes no time like the present and you could even do it yearly!
Emily McGuirk says
I’m just discovering this article 2 years later, but have to say I’ve wished I could say a lot of these to my 19 year old self now, though I don’t think she would listen either. Good insight into my own Achilles heel I guess. Thank you for being so open and sharing this without holding anything back because it’s actually so reassuring. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Kristin says
thanks so much! Glad you found it and enjoyed it.
Mahima says
thanks for sharing your amazing experience with us! I really like your blog. keep blogging.
xoxo roslia