This is for all the single ladies who travel. For all the women out there who decided that, whatever the circumstances may have been, that they wouldn’t let anything hold them back from experiencing all of the riches that this world has to offer. I’m talking to you, fellow solo female traveler.
At times you feel like a rock, unbreakable and steadfast, and at other times, it gets difficult. It feels like nobody around you understands, or like everyone else is coupled off and makes it look like they’ve got it all figured out, and it makes you wonder if you’re being left behind.
Yet I guarantee they’re pining after your travel photos, wishing for your amazing stories with perfect strangers who became friends or even lovers, and wishing they could be as beautiful and free as you. Nobody tells you what to do, nothing prevents you from following your whims, and that kind of power can be intimidating for many.
There’s no right or wrong way to live except for the way that you choose, and traveling alone will never make that choice clearer. To all the single ladies who travel, when times are tough or perfectly perfect, make these promises with me:
1. To smile and confidently say ‘maybe never’ when locals ask when you’re going to have kids.
2. To never be ashamed of our own sexuality, and feminine power.
3. To never forget the divine goddesses that we are. We’re designed to be the givers and sustainers of life, if and when we choose to.
4. To act with grace and respect, but also to take no shit!
5. To hold our heads up high and walk like a man, just so that they know we will look them in the eye, and command the respect we deserve.
6. To say ‘no’ without ever feeling guilty or obligated.
7. To say ‘yes’ without ever feeling guilty or obligated.
8. To have the courage to sit on a romantic beach without wishing there was someone else there. Nobody else will make that sunset more beautiful or that ocean more blue than wonderful you.
9. To own your decision to go it alone.
10. To never look at his Facebook during your trip, because there’s nothing good nor nurturing for you on there, girl.
11. To be safe and responsible and have some damn fun without saying sorry.
12. To appreciate and own the freedom that you have, to acknowledge the privilege you were born with, and to use it to its fullest potential, on behalf of all of the women out there who will never have that chance.
13. To have the courage to go, to trust that the girls who have gone before you have paved the way, and to know that you’ll leave a trail for those who come after.
14. To have an open heart because you absolutely never can know who you’ll meet, so forget what you left behind, and when that’s hard to do, remember why you left it there.
15. To support the local female artisans you find on your journey, because we have more in common than we don’t.
16. To not let fear win, because at every stage of your life when you did something great, did you really feel 100% ready?
17. To remember that even though our friends and family are well-meaning, the choice is ours to make to go it alone.
18. To remember that we are not who we date and are married to. We are the woman who we are when we’re alone, and she’s amazing.
19. To never apologize for being strong, independent, and powerful.
20. To know that a man is not necessary to carry the backpack, navigate the route, negotiate, and captain the ship. To find that, time and time again, that he’s not actually necessary for much of anything.
21. To embrace loneliness as a chance to form your own opinions, call your own shots, and know thyself.
22. To take setbacks in stride, to find all the strength that we never knew we had, and to embrace new challenges with open arms. Let us find out what we’re made of.
23. To know that whatever happens, and whatever we feel or decide, that it’s okay, as long as it’s our choice.
24. To know that we are beautiful in more ways than just the physical, without needing anyone else to tell us so.
25. To feel gratitude every damn day.
Ladies, you got this. You don’t need anything but you, and the world. The time has never been better and the possibilities have never been more available than they are right here and right now.
It’s time to see the world, take the opportunity and run with it!
Make it happen with the guidebook for solo female travelers. Get easy tips on the money part, how to stay safe, what to bring, and how to make the journey work for you.
Maricel says
This is one of the many reasons why you’re blog is my favorite, you get me! You’re my homegirl Kristin.
Victoria @ NatureImmerse says
I start reading your female guide book on travelling and love it 🙂
Kristin says
Yay that’s great feedback!
Leah says
Thanks for sharing that and I have been travelling by myself in my mid twenties I don’t wait for somebody to come with me otherwise I would not have been to places I have travelled I meet more people when I travel alone and always meet guys it how you carry and express yourselfand your manners that you earn their respect .as you have respect for your own self. I love to travel alone and in solitude
Thanks for sharing your blog
More power to you and the travelers who are alone first time yes it is lonely but you have to focus on your goal and you will get better as you travel
One time I saw a blind person travelling in the subway alone with walking sick able to go to work riding the subway and he could go to and fro from home to his job and with out fear and I told myself I have nothing to fear to travel alone if I could speak and see where I’m going and if I get lost or which way to go I just have to ask people .
When I travel by myself Imeet people who are travelling alone too and approach me if they could come with me then meet more people join my company and end up in a group .
Kristin says
So true, when you consider how many people survive with such difficult circumstances, doing something fun like traveling alone is not just a challenge, but an amazing and special experience. It’s a privilege!
Tess says
It can be difficult to feel a sense of community as a solo traveller, but there are so many of us out there doing it. I came home early from my travels last year because I missed people from home too much, then immediately went away again and booked 3 more trips! We just have to remember we are not alone. I need to read your blog more 🙂 Also I think making friends with people who are living unusual lives all over the world is a good idea. I’m housesitting in my home town Bristol, UK at the moment and it’s weird only being surrounded by my home friends who are all working full time and buying houses etc. I feel like the odd one out, and forget why I have chosen this lifestyle. Reading blogs like yours reminds me there are so many like-minded people doing all kinds of cool things by themselves. We are together in spirit, even though we are solo!
Kristin says
Totally, it’ll feel like you are the weird one because you’re not living the settled lifestyle and I do feel that way too. The funny thing is the more my loved ones see me growing into this lifestyle and making it my career and happy place, the more they understand and know that I couldn’t live my life any other way.
Ijana Loss says
This is perfect! <3 Really the most amazing thing about solo travel is how it puts you in touch with yourself. While having friends or partners around is nice, there's something really special about being in a new place where the only people around are people who have no idea who you are. Maybe so many people are afraid to go somewhere without people they know because then they'll have to examine who they really are, instead of being able to rely on what their friends think of them?
Kristin says
Could be. I think it’s more of not knowing what will be on the other side and knowing that we’ll have to do it all on our own, which it turns out in so many cases is actually a huge blessing and an advantage. The more personal piece I kind of didn’t realize would come but I’m so glad it did
Emma Hart says
Yes! This is awesome! I love how solo travel can make you feel like the best version of yourself. Yes it can be daunting and unnerving but at the same time, it’s often one of the best experiences we can ever have.
GG says
This is a great post. Too bad it is necessary to do this even in this age, even when traveling in the US. I am a guy and I forget that no guy has to ask most of these questions when traveling or make most of these 25 promises (e.g., I have never been asked when I am going to be a father), although everyone has to be aware of their safety. We guys take it all for granted! We should try better so that we are part of the solution not the problem. I guess though that some parts of the world are much worse about this than others. Even a guy has to be told some of this when traveling alone so this site (among several others) has been useful for me. Everyone needs their space and freedom and shouldn’t ever be restricted due to gender (barring cultural sensitivities as opposed to discrimination). As a last note, I work in an environment with mainly female leaders and see the power/wisdom of femininity firsthand. If properly prepared, women can do anything they want on their own and we guys need to respect that and be more compassionate (frankly, we guys need the help more but won’t ask).
GG
Kristin says
Wow that’s an incredible observation and I’m honored you shared those thoughts here. I can also understand how it’s hard to be a man in today’s environment with feminism taking center stage and often in such a way that can seem aggressive towards masculinity and men. To be clear, I think the problem is just the collective mentality, not men, but it is shifting and that’s great to see. It’s evident from comments like yours that both men and women want to see more equality.
Carrie says
I love this! It’s perfect!!!! Thank you so much for inspiring words. I’d like to go to Poland. It’s cheap travel.
Yuki says
Yes!! I love this. I am not single anymore, but I traveled for a year while I was, and I have very similar ideas scribbled throughout my journals. Not being ashamed to say “no” or “yes,” to be brave to sit on that romantic beach and being happy that I was by myself, taking myself out to dinner, being free to do whatever without compromise. I’m glad I had that year, with all its ups and downs. I’m extremely happy with my boyfriend and travel partner, but I’m also excited about my upcoming month-long solo trip. I think I’m excited to remind myself of exactly these reasons you’ve written about. Thanks for sharing! <3
Kristin says
So great that you’re still traveling solo even with a partner! So much of this list applies in that situation as well. Have a blast!
Jill Bowdery says
This post speaks to me so much! I love to travel alone, and it’s taken me many years to understand and embrace that. I still have to defend it and field the pitying looks, but it’s them I pity!! There is nothing more peaceful and empowering at the same time than doing it by ourselves… ?
Mary says
Love this! I needed to read this.
I’m taking my first solo trip, to Ireland, this summer!
Kristin says
Ireland is awesome and so friendly. Have a blast!
Lily says
Thank you Kristin for your wonderful posts, information and encouragement. I have started reading your book with so many good tips. I am middle aged and free again and know that travel is for me. Slowly I am coming around the idea of solo travel, still feel some fear and returning to look at your tours to maybe start off with. I keep reading and maybe start with a few small trips to get a feel for it.
Kristin says
I think that’s a fantastic way to ease into it! I had two women on my Peru tour who had just quit their jobs to travel and the tour was their first leg of the journey. There was another woman who was finishing up a year of traveling alone with the tour as well, which I thought was pretty cool! I do also think taking shorter trips to ease into it can be a good idea. Whatever helps you feel more comfortable!
Gina says
Kristin!
Strong, powerful and amazing words…..like the woman you are and the women who follow your lead!
Rock on Solo Sister!
Love and Light!
Kristin says
Thanks Gina!
christy dixey says
I am new to your blog, and I am quite honestly hooked–but this posting in particular resonated strongly for me. I needed to read this. Thank you so much for posting <3
Kristin says
So glad you enjoyed it <3
GG says
I posted earlier on this but wanted to add one more thought seeing this again. I like items 18 and 20 on the list. It is so important in a marriage or relationship that one person isn’t “absorbed” into the other. This is SO relevant to many women in past generations (and still hangs on today but waning in the US) who took care of the home and supported the husband’s career. You can nurture and be the support structure, bless those traditional women including some friends of mine, without losing yourself (and they don’t, they are strong, brilliant, and beautiful women who make time for themselves). Otherwise how can one be truly happy. Also, regarding 20, a man is not specifically needed for any of those things (you can have another woman carry the backpack if have an injury as an aside!). A man would be there because he is wanted, not needed. Again, a relationship should be about wanting to be around someone and loving them, not needing them like a dependent or a subservient. Even if you have physical ailments, where you might need help, it should not be in subservience.
Kristin says
Well said.
Crystal says
YES!! This is the ultimate manifesto and female anthem! Thanks so much for writing. The one I think about the most is how often women are expected to feel guilty or sacrifice our own comfort for someone else’s… so I especially liked 6. To say ‘no’ without ever feeling guilty or obligated and 7. To say ‘yes’ without ever feeling guilty or obligated. Looking forward to reading more empowering posts!
Kristin says
So glad you liked it!
J says
Fine, but why do you have to bash guys? What’s with the anti-male tone? Men look you in the eye. You are so insecure and jaded if you think guys fundamentally disrespect and don’t take women seriously. Guys are needed, and can actually enrich women’s lives. You can’t just be an island unto yourself your whole life.
Kristin says
I think you’re reading into it what you want to. There’s no guy bashing here. I’ve said many times on this blog that men are not the enemy, and I genuinely feel that way.