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Be My Travel Muse

Solo Female Travel

Your Questions and My Answers 2020 Edition

11/01/2020 by Kristin 7 Comments

I think there’s something we have to get straight between you and me. I love traveling and having adventures, but when I’m at home I’m unbelievably lazy and for some reason, really into watching cake.

Not making it. Not even eating it. Just watching it.

I’ve logged hours watching a certain cheesecake recipe from Tasty on loop (like honestly 50 times or more). I follow a lot of cake decorating accounts on Instagram, and I just got way too into the Great British Bake Off on Netflix. Is it just me or does it start off wholesome and then get way too high stakes and engaging to turn off?!

So I think it’s probably obvious that I am grasping at things to share here, because my life at home isn’t all that exciting. I’m a girl who watches cake in order to stop myself from working all day and night. Impressive, I’m sure.

So the other day when thinking up things to share, I realized it had been a while since I did a Q&A – four years to be exact. I asked you on Instagram stories to ask me anything. These are some of your questions, and my sometimes-cheeky-but-mostly-reflective answers:

How do you gain confidence in your decision making?

Let’s go down memory lane a bit to 2012. I have been agonizing for the better part of the year over the decision to quit my job, start a blog, end my relationship, and buy a one-way ticket to Bangkok. I was not at all confident with this decision. It seemed like I was really buying a one-way ticket to the poorhouse and leaving a job that paid me well and a life that from the outside, looked pretty good.

I didn’t even let anyone know I was toying with the idea, because I felt so unsure about the decision that I couldn’t let anyone talk me out of it. Nowadays, I confidently make decisions much more quickly and I owe it to the past eight years of so much solo travel and running my own business.

There’s often so much going on that I don’t have time to agonize over this or that. I’ve also realized that doing anything other than problem-solving when things happen is just a waste of time and energy. Over time, I’ve trusted myself to make the right decision, even when I make the wrong decision I learn from it and keep getting better.

hippie pants
My first day in Bangkok 8 years ago.

So I suppose that’s a long winded way of saying that fear can be really paralyzing. It can cause us to mistrust ourselves and hesitate to act. It’s probably the biggest scourge on humanity that I can think of – fear that we will fail, lose love, or be rejected. 

But I’ve had to rely on myself so many times that it has helped me face my demons, and largely led me down a path where I continuously do that as often as I can. Facing those fears makes me realize that they are mere concepts. Just ideas that hold us back. So take chances, because life really is short and it would be a pity to live in the land of what-ifs. 

What’s the most off the beaten path country that you would return to in a heartbeat?

Vilanculos mozambique

My mind immediately went to Mozambique. People really make a place, and I can’t be sure that I would feel the same way about it without the same people, but I still think of it so fondly for the bonds that I made, the Thanksgiving that I had, and the heartbreak that led me to go there in the first place. I had been scared to go alone, especially to the capital city of Maputo, but that first night dancing at the art gallery, surrounded by amazing people, I realized I could go anywhere and do anything alone.

So not only was it empowering, but it was particularly beautiful, laid-back, and just seems to attract the most interesting people. Sometimes with places like that I wonder if I should just leave it like it is in my memory or go back and make new ones. Time will tell!

What ever happened to the house you were going to buy in Hawaii?

It’s probably time for an update. I was talking all about this last year and then boom, went quiet on the whole thing.

ICYMI, last year I put out a video about how I was house hunting on the Big Island of Hawaii:

I found a house I really liked, put an offer down, and then my offer got accepted!

…and then I pulled out of the deal after the inspection.

And you know what? I am SO HAPPY THAT HAPPENED.

I have never been happier for something to fall through in my life. It was meant to be a vacation rental but realistically, it needed a lot of work. Right now I’d be paying for a money sinkhole on an island I can’t even get to for a property that nobody would be staying at for the foreseeable future. It would be so damn stressful and I’m SO glad I listened to my gut and said ultimately said no to the house.

That said, the dream is still alive. I don’t want it to be a rental anymore, but rather a home. I’ll let you know when it finally does happen, but we’re taking our time in this crazy world.

Who finances your travels?

Whatever sugar daddy I can allure at the moment and if that doesn’t work I shove 3 kilos of uncut cocaine up my ass when I fly to make ends meet.

*JK, in case it needs to be said, I have always funded my own travels and business 100%, all legally, and through hard work on this blog over the past 8 years.

But I’ve waited a long time to give that answer to this very rude question, so thanks for indulging me.

Do you see yourself traveling for the rest of your life? Having kids? Traveling with them?

Could I do things like this with kiddos? I don’t know.

It used to really bother me when I got this question but you’re asking me something I’ve been asking myself a lot lately.

At some point I’m going to have to decide, because there’s only so much time left on the (biological) clock.

Sometimes I think it would be amazing to be a mother. Creating life is an experience that only women get to have and I feel I’ll be missing something if I don’t do it. On the other hand it’s a life-altering decision that I can’t take back, and I’ve taken it to heart when a few friends with kids have quietly told me, ‘don’t do it, it’s a trap.’

I wonder if it’s selfish to bring a kid into this world on the brink of an ecological disaster that they didn’t help create. With the world population set to exceed 8 billion people, I wonder if it’s a dick move to keep reproducing when the world so obviously does not need more people.

So yeah, I don’t know, but I think about it almost every day.

Do you have advice for a 24 year old who lives with their parents, wants to solo travel, but is worried about the pandemic?

I remember wondering the same things when I was 24. Well, there wasn’t a pandemic back then, but we were coming out of one of the biggest financial collapses in history. It’s probably still going to have nothing on the one that’s to come, but all I’m trying to say is, I get you.

The thing is nobody can tell you when or if it’s right or wrong for YOU to do the things you want to do in your life. But I know that’s not the answer you’re looking for, because that’s not the answer I was looking for when I asked the same question to a stranger on the internet in 2012.

I wanted someone to tell me it was okay to just go.

So I’ll be that person for you, too. If it’s in your heart, then just go.

With the current state of the world I can’t advise you on the pandemic part, because if I’m convinced of anything right now, it’s that there is no right or wrong. But I suspect when the time is right, if you’re committed, you’ll make it happen.

Does solo travel help you discover yourself?

maybe it does

In many ways yes, it does. In fact I found myself running right back into myself over and over – the same issues I thought I was running away from followed me on the road, too.

Solo travel will intimately acquaint you with the parts of yourself that drive you crazy. If you play it right, you’ll be open minded and honest enough with yourself to notice these things you don’t like, soul search, and change them.

You’ll also get to see the side of you who makes all of the decisions, problem solves, becomes more outgoing, and all of the other benefits of solo traveling. I think everyone should do it in life.

Thanks for connecting, for reading, for getting through my somewhat self-indulgent stream of consciousness. I appreciate you for being here.

If you have more to ask, feel free in the comments below.

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    I'm Kristin, and my vision of a better world is one where more women are empowered and living out their dreams. Solo traveling is the best method I've found to become the best, bravest version of me. This site is all about how YOU can have the adventure of a lifetime in an easy, fun, approachable way, so that you can feel empowered, too. Want to learn more about me?

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    Comments

    1. GG says

      11/01/2020 at 8:59 am

      Hi Kristin:
      Thanks for answering our questions. It is great to know that our thoughts and questions we send to you are taken to heart, and are responded to. We appreciate that so much. I would advise those who have questions regarding your revenue stream to look at your posts in the archives that journal your travels through the growth of your business. It answers those questions really well and your Accelerator program sounds top notch! For those obnoxious inquiries, I love your sugar daddy answer!!
      I did have a question Kristin related to becoming a mother. I think creating life is really a special thing and having children that way is wonderful. However, if you are concerned about bringing children into a troubled, overpopulated world but still feel that motherly pull, have you ever considered adoption? There are so many children out there that need a loving home and you are such a kind hearted, fun person that a child would be blessed to have you as a parent! I think all of you at BMTM would be. We would have considered it if we couldn’t have had children the traditional way. Adoption by kind loving people of children in need of love is an ultimate, selfless gift.

      It is just an alternative not mentioned here, so thought to bring it up. I agree so strongly that the choice to have or adopt a child is a tremendous one and one to think very strongly over. There are unwanted children in the world and it breaks my heart. I am sorry to see that women are still “expected” to have children (men get a pass) and women should make the thoughtful choice for its own sake and be loved and supported whatever decision she makes. It is your life, your body, your business :).

      One more question, totally unrelated. I know the future is uncertain regarding the pandemic, but if that relaxes, are you considering new, interesting countries like India or Russia to explore? Those are big countries with so many things to see! Don’t have to go to the usual places I imagine. There are off the beaten path galore I imagine!

      You say thanks for connecting and reading. We say thanks for sharing and being here to inspire so many.

      Reply
      • Kristin says

        11/02/2020 at 9:47 am

        I’d love to explore India!

        Reply
    2. Katie says

      11/02/2020 at 11:25 am

      Your “kids” answer!! I could have written it myself. I am 33 and am now trying to have a kid, but I could not decide for years. I’d think about it every day and it would drive me crazy. I think a lot of female travelers fall into the same boat. I’m so glad I am not the only one. The answer will come to you in time-I promise.

      Reply
      • Kristin says

        11/02/2020 at 4:45 pm

        You’re not the only one!

        Reply
    3. grahame pike says

      11/02/2020 at 1:39 pm

      Hi Kristin
      I got a one-way ticket to Malaga, Spain from South Africa in November 2019 just before Covid-19 began and I’m so happy I did. I’m here in San Pedro, southern Spain.
      Ever since I started my travels in 1987, I never wanted to go home. I’ve been travelling ever since from Africa to Asia to the UK and Europe but I always had to go home.
      The internet and blogging only came out much later. Thank goodness too that I have both British and South African passports. Next year I’d like to travel to South and Central America if things work out. This is my seventh trip to Spain so if I can’t get out here, this is where I’ll lay my hat. I’m so happy to be Out of Africa.
      Many years ago my best friend nearly got murdered in Mozambique if it wasn’t for a friend who came to his rescue. I have only been to the border between SA and that country. Also, I never married and have no kids. In today’s climate, I think it’s is extremely dangerous and selfish to bring kids into the world. It’s nothing like the fifties, sixties and seventies anymore. Bless you and stay safe.

      Reply
    4. Belinda Cook says

      11/02/2020 at 6:52 pm

      Hi Kristen
      Thanks as always for being honest and authentic. As always.
      Just curious as to why you feel the need to purchase a property? The only reason I ask is that I’m almost at the stage of travelling full time.
      I’ve set my resignation date, gotten rid of 90% of my possessions and toying with the idea of also selling my property.
      ( full disclosure I’m at a different stage in life at 53 years young, )
      I’m still deciding wether to keep the property or not and would like your perspective.
      My thinking is that I don’t want any ties as I may find somewhere as in the world on my travels to put down roots.
      And then there’s the other side of me that’s thinking what about when I get sick of travelling, what then? ( Iol that will never happen and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it )
      Your thoughts?
      Please keep sharing I love your insight.
      Regards
      Bel

      Reply
      • Kristin says

        11/03/2020 at 11:00 am

        Hi Bel, I think property is a good investment when chosen correctly and in my case, held in the long run. It can be a good income source as well to rent out while traveling, or at least have someone essentially pay your mortgage for you.

        Reply

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