There are a lot of words and phrases for the feelings that travelers get when they try to reconnect with people back home, or come back into a lifestyle that is stable and consists of a routine again, or when traveling isn’t as stimulating and exciting as it once was.
The people who name such things say it’s reverse culture shock, jamais vu, reintegration, etc.
It’s a very privileged problem to have. We can just acknowledge that and get it out of the way now. A lot of people will never have this feeling, because they don’t have the access (most of the world) to a passport that opens up those possibilities, or they do have the potential, but can’t find the courage to go in the first place.
But for those of us who do go, and especially those of us who are gone for a long time, I wonder how much the addiction of new sights and new places starts to become so normal that it’s unshakable.
Don’t get me wrong, traveling, especially alone, is life-changing and I think that everyone should do it.
I will always champion solo traveling because I feel deep down to my core that it is super important, nay, indispensable for personal development. It’s a chance to get to know the real you and to learn what it is to be completely self-sufficient and responsible for everything that happens to you and how you handle it. It prepares you for life, love, and work in a way that nothing else can.
But is it subject to the law of diminishing returns?
Honestly, what doesn’t lose its value and luster over time?
Apart from love, which ebbs and flows anyway, I can’t think of anything.
I left California to travel the world by myself almost four and a half years ago now. I am deeply grateful for all of those years, because now I have so many new skills:
- I can find a way to connect with almost anyone
- I’m usually comfortable in a room of strangers. My confidence is so much higher now that I know what I’m capable of
- I understand cultures from all over the world which contributes greatly to the first two points
- I have a much more open and inquisitive mind than I did before
A last skill that I’ve both welcomed and simultaneously battled with is the independence I’ve drawn from solo travel. What was tough about it at first became intoxicating.
I realized I’ve been feeding that need for independence without question or reserve. I’ve been nurturing my preference to always have one foot out the door, and my desire to be able to leave at any time without having to consult anyone. It was wonderful and liberating for so long (and still is), but it also just enables the part of me that is convinced I’m all I need.
I got used to getting over a party or a night out and just going home right then, without needing to consult anyone else. I stopped feeling the compulsion to please people, because on the traveler’s circuit, everyone understands that it’s important to follow your own whims and to go where and when you please. I’d just book a plane ticket and make a plan, all on my own.
For over four years now.
It makes it a little hard to let others in when that’s been the reality for so long.
The only thing that feels comfortable is the very thing that makes most people (myself included way in the beginning) the most frightened: Just leaving, with nobody along, without a plan, and without any need to know what will happen. In fact, the need is actually to not know what will happen.
I’ve wondered before if traveling made me totally selfish, and at other times I mourned over the short and deep connections and constant goodbyes, I had a lot of situations where because I wasn’t the one who was around, I was replaced. What kept me going during all of these sad times was the thrill of the unknown adventure ahead of me.
But now what’s unknown and new is actually the opposite of traveling solo. It’s having a routine, sharing time with people who I love, and making room for other people’s thoughts, desires, and opinions. I got my growth from solo traveling. It injured and also lifted me up so many times. Those scars are reminders of all of the discovery I did, and I love each and every one.
But maybe it’s time to grow up now.
The next adventure is the most thrilling of all – learning how to be someone who others can count on, being there in love, support, and service to those who have supported me over the past four years, and maybe even sharing my life with another human being – being a real partner and not just an unsure thing who is going to leave.
Maybe it is and always has been about striking a balance. Maybe it’s possible, and I aim to find out now.
I think the people who name such things have a phrase for this too:
Having it all.
And since infinite possibilities exist and there are no rules to this ride called life, yes, I believe anything, including having it all, is possible.
Charmaine Ng says
Thank you for sharing! I hope you find your balance. Don’t be too hard on yourself! 🙂
– Charmaine
Kristin says
Thank you 🙂
saurabh says
I Used to travel solo. But now I travel with my family, in short, my stories made travel bug bite my wife and now my toddler as well :p .
Kristin says
Yes it’s all about balance, and I’ve been pretty extreme in the independent lifestyle that I’ve forgotten the importance of balance. I started to find it so easy to just be independent that it became my normal, and I wasn’t challenging myself anymore. Therefore, little growth and less enjoyment. OOooooh life!
Kristin says
I’ve definitely seen that to be true. There were things I missed about traveling alone (the freedom and independence) when I was traveling with someone else, but it’s also nice to share the work sometimes, and to know that you won’t have to be alone.
Scott says
I don’t know if this is getting too personal or not, but do you have romance on the road now? Or are you always truly solo except for the people you temporarily meet before you’re on to the next destination? At some point I’m assuming you’ll meet someone and settle down, although selfishly, I love your posts, photos, etc., and hope you don’t (well at least the settle down part – maybe you can travel together!).
Kristin says
I don’t think that meeting someone has to mean not traveling anymore, and that settling down is a must in life. I haven’t shared many specifics about my dating life and for now I want to keep it that way. Making it public adds a kind of pressure that I don’t want at this stage 🙂
Dana CIre says
I think your blog has given others the idea that they don’t have to wait for that perfect partner to travel with. They can do this on their own. My husband has been to Paris several times and does not wish to go there again. I have not been there and I am planning a solo trip there next year. Thanks for all your insights. Makes me feel like I am not crazy for going by myself.
Kristin says
Definitely true and I totally believe that you don’t have to wait for someone to join in order to have an amazing journey. Enjoy Paris!
Emese says
“Having it all.” That really caught my attention at the end, since I have a tattoo on my shoulder that says “You have it all” (it’s mirror written, so i can read it everytime i look at my reflection. I may not traveled the way you are, but I still totally understand. Great article!!! Loved it 🙂
Kristin says
That’s beautiful!
Chiliminter says
Thank you Kristin, for sharing your heartfelt thoughts in such a raw and honest manner. I love travelling with my loved ones and have been doing so all my life, but have often thought about venturing solo. As I am still struggling with whether it is “selfish” or not (with all due respect to your opinion of course!), reading your blog has let me experience solo travel vicariously and realistically. That is something I’m grateful for.
I have a question though, and I hope it does not come across as rude as it is definitely not my intention! Do you feel that being an english-speaking white (I’m using the term with reference to being of Western-European descent here) female has influenced your travel experience, be it for better or worse? For the record, I am female of East-Asian origin. Thank you 🙂
Kristin says
As a white English-speaking female from the US I am incredibly privileged and I know that. I can’t possibly know what it’s like to be anything or anyone other than who and what I am, but in some ways it has been helpful, I’m sure, and in other ways (I come off as a ‘walking wallet’ in a lot of places) probably not an advantage. I don’t experience a lot of obvious and overt racism which I know a lot of people of other ethnic backgrounds have to regularly deal with, but I encourage you to travel anyways, because there are good people everywhere and for the people who matter your looks won’t matter 🙂
Boxon says
Travel solo is very fun, especially if you visit a new place that has not been visited by many people … feel the fresh natural air will be very calming is not it?
Sometimes places around us have a secret point waiting to be visited 🙂
Regards
tuky says
Ugh, this is definitely a bad habit I fall to constantly… telling myself it’s “self-care” despite knowing the lame trend behind it. Thanks for your helpful post! 🙂
Kristin says
Haha self care is so great but also, can be kind of a cop out. I do it too!